garrett

The truth doesn't need to be known, or believed, to be true.

[garrett @coffee_carlson]

My life is an endless series of used book purchases.

[garrett @coffee_carlson]

When you shave for the first time in years only to remember why you ALWAYS have facial hair.

[garrett @coffee_carlson]

@ARKoenen didn't I already dibs one at some point?

[garrett @coffee_carlson]

i'm at that fun stage in life in which I get a lot of joy out of talking seriously about just adopting a kid and watching the reactions of my family & colleagues.

[garrett @coffee_carlson]

@ARKoenen good call. Sorry, Katie ❤️

[garrett @coffee_carlson]

my brother's wife just got a text that there are two golden retrievers loose in the neighborhood and I've never been so excited to have a new dog

[garrett @coffee_carlson]

It may be the first week of March and there may be a 90% chance of thunderstorms, but I live in the midwest so low 60s on Saturday means cookout-on-the-beach-in-jorts day

[garrett @coffee_carlson]

student teacher: oh, you're doing A Midsummer Night's Dream? That's easy; I took Shakespeare I, II, AND III!

me: perfect! they're yours. have fun using your analytical prowess to convince 78 fourteen-year-olds that Shakespeare's more interesting than Snapchat. *leaves room*

[garrett @coffee_carlson]

having student teachers reminds me just how very few of the instructional decisions I make have literally anything to do with content knowledge.

[garrett @coffee_carlson]

Do no harm. Take no shit 🤘

[garrett @coffee_carlson]

"that which is around me does not affect my mood; my mood affects that which is around me" is probably the best advice I've ever received from a dog. @garthstein

[garrett @coffee_carlson]

a student in my class this morning checked his phone and exclaimed "what the hell? Holmen closed school today and it's only -24 there!" and that tells you everything you need to know about life in Wisconsin.

[garrett @coffee_carlson]

oh to be 15 years old and have the balls to send your English teacher an email asking to turn in an assignment 4 days AFTER the semester finished and ending it with "jus lmk"

[garrett @coffee_carlson]

Happy January 17th, the day where you get to watch policymakers quote MLK, Jr. on social media while simultaneously doing everything they can to keep Black people from voting 😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀

[garrett @coffee_carlson]

POV: you're 29 years old and have lived in Wisconsin your whole life, yet your mom still calls every time it snows to remind you that snow DOES in fact affect driving conditions.

Also, watch for deer.

[garrett @coffee_carlson]

on the same two days each year I buy donuts for the entire staff

on the same two days each year everyone remembers to say hi to me in the hallway

I don't know if I'm conditioning people to be nice, or if they're conditioning me to keep bringing donuts

[WholesomeMemes @WholesomeMeme]

“Once someone has had the good fortune to share a true love affair with a Golden Retriever, one’s life and one’s outlook is never quite the same.”

[garrett @coffee_carlson]

here's to another year of students not hearing a goddamn word that comes out of my mouth yet somehow remembering verbatim every stupid thing I've ever said and immediately regretted.

which admittedly has been a lot.

[garrett @coffee_carlson]

It's a good year for sea shanties.

[garrett @coffee_carlson]

If you live in La Crosse, there's an 83% chance that a Kwik Trip is indeed across the street from your house 💁

[Wyatt Molling @WyattNMMolling]

Never judge a candidates chances of winning by the amount of yard signs you see. Desperate campaigns will sometimes get sign happy and offload a shit-ton to save face