∂ebraℓee

I teethed on Milkbones™

[∂ebraℓee @darksidedeb]

They call me 'ATM' because every day I withdraw a little more.

[∂ebraℓee @darksidedeb]

https://t.co/nMmrPq6IER

[∂ebraℓee @darksidedeb]

I can't explain it but 5 x 5 = 25 gives off the same vibe as Friday.

[Adam @adamgreattweet]

commercials should be the same volume as the show, we have the technology

[The Real Rodney Lacroix @RealRodLacroix]

Tupperware is filing for bankruptcy. They would have kept a lid on the news but they couldn't find one.

[jame @kloogans]

too many generic kid names like "chris" and "jake" out there. if i had a son i'd name him something bad ass. like "the shovel"

[jon drake @DrakeGatsby]

“I’m playing chess while you’re playing checkers” wrong. I’m playing a third game I just made up and it’s called jumpy circles

[Ron Iver @ronnui_]

This protein packed pasta only uses 6 simple ingredients and just takes 30 minutes and requires you to wash a psychologically damaging amount of dishes!

[Benny 'Sensible Jeans' Rollins @citizenkawala]

Did you ever think about how there's wild horses out there, just running around on bare feet?

[Horatio Quartzjixler @Quartzjixler]

All of the hashtags in your bio gave me an anxiety attack. Pass.

[John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets]

Me [watching war movie]: I like this character. I hope he lives.

Character: *makes emotional speech about what he’ll do when he gets home from the war*

Me: Dammit.

[The B. @anerdonfire2]

I choose peace motherfucker.

[Not Today Eric @NotTodayEric]

Welcome to your 40s: you’re not having a midlife crisis you’re just awake.

[🥀✨🪶 @ash_may_bite]

i found a Skittle in my bra and i'm hoping that's a portent of a good day

[Ghostface Kryllah @kryzazzy]

When you’re a teacher, how you dress on “professional days” is who you really are

[Annie Hatfield @AnneHatfieldVO]

What we're doing is we're watching Con Air.

[𝗮𝗻𝗱𝘆 𝘃𝘀. @im_all_id]

whoops accidentally said I couldn't make it before they even said the date

[Ⓜ️isterD @MisterD78UK]

When you already like them... then they throw you a Back to the Future reference... they're a keeper

[Jason, ex Inferis @benedictsred]

Going back to your first Instagram post and liking one everyday like I’m Michael Myers slowly chasing you

[lolt64🕵️ @lolt64]

when you carbonation burp and it seems to come from somewhere deeper, older