Dishonourable Unmentionables

Humour on Medium. British and international. Polite and foulmouthed.

[Dishonourable Unmentionables @DishonourableU]

Dishonourable Unmentionables has a new Ebook, featuring work by @viggyhampton @holishaymichael @Lindsay23865165 @NestExpressed @HarshLauren @sarahkaneissexy @LeCubicleReview @baby___kiss @maryhbnguyen and more! Get your copy (for free) at Apple Books.

https://t.co/h00eIt7SAu

[Dishonourable Unmentionables @DishonourableU]

Am I the asshole, or the whole ass? #HamletTweets

[Dishonourable Unmentionables @DishonourableU]

“Just take a look at Maude’s handmade wedding dress and Elroy’s bespoke suit. You just can’t find tailors in Los Angeles that can make clothes as unique as what you can get from Grandma Ashby’s Sew Into You!”

by @viggyhampton

https://t.co/xEbfvo8nTZ

[Dishonourable Unmentionables @DishonourableU]

“I would describe this landscape as barren. Does that word evoke any particular emotions for you?”

by @crowehomeschool

https://t.co/TMfxbjaihe

[Dishonourable Unmentionables @DishonourableU]

“The holiday could be EVEN BETTER if we were to invite the girls, too! Then I’ll have people to compare goulash notes with while you are off shaving each other’s heads and pretending to bum all 30 statues on Charles Bridge.”

by @crowehomeschool

https://t.co/yUN4eEiGqk

[Dishonourable Unmentionables @DishonourableU]

‘Zipf’s Withnail Law states that the most common word in a given language is “fuck”, and is used exactly twice as frequently as “bastard” and three times more often than “balls.”’

by Sarah Totton

https://t.co/xJ6oiT5Mw2

[Dishonourable Unmentionables @DishonourableU]

@aprilfiet Did nothing but write this tweet.

[Dishonourable Unmentionables @DishonourableU]

“Each bathroom comes equipped with a used bar of soap, a half-full bottle of 3-in-1 shampoo/conditioner/body wash, a comb covered in pubes, and a single damp towel.”

by @viggyhampton

https://t.co/6J5IlvLMrx

[Dishonourable Unmentionables @DishonourableU]

“4. Jar of snake oil

It appears our intern Jeff thinks that liars deserve to be called out in a more assertive manner. Jeff is new here. He’s yet to embrace our world of boundless whimsy. We’ll let this one slide.”

by @NestExpressed

https://t.co/a1WYC4VTsF

[robert criss @baby___kiss]

writing this was a fever dream

[Dishonourable Unmentionables @DishonourableU]

@illuministchris @hollymenderson This was great, Chris!

[Dishonourable Unmentionables @DishonourableU]

“We are pleased to grant you an additional 10 (TEN) days of sun. This brings your total number of sunny days to 10 (TEN).”

by @NestExpressed

https://t.co/H8ZCXnVuXX

[Dishonourable Unmentionables @DishonourableU]

“‘You just called my mom the c-word, Philip!’ Katherine screams.”

by Philip Cane

https://t.co/mJOpjL8Zo3

[Dishonourable Unmentionables @DishonourableU]

“I’m not sure what that was all about but it seemed to get the chaps quite angry and there was a very edgy, excited feel about the place now, completely unlike my wedding night with Charles.”

by Robert Bush

https://t.co/Fu5DE8XLVn

[Dishonourable Unmentionables @DishonourableU]

“Charles hardly speaks to humans anymore and sometimes I can hear him out there in the garden, chatting away. Often I thought he had a friend there, but always it’s a flower. Or a shrub, he likes those too.”

by Robert Bush

https://t.co/SLRdVn2ZLx

[Dishonourable Unmentionables @DishonourableU]

“It started off with me mistaking Saturday for Sunday and it rapidly progressed to a point where the days of the week turned into Today, Tomorrow, Yesterday, Some day, That day, and Thaaaaaat day.”

by hitha

https://t.co/Omoh4jXcV4

[Daniel R. Fox @DanielPantss]

The Lincoln Project needs to cut the shit. Starting hateful hashtags like #CreepyTrump is harassment. Nobody has done more for woman then @realDonaldTrump!

[Dishonourable Unmentionables @DishonourableU]

“And then I hear it: the snorting. Coming closer and closer like a stubby freight train.”

by @viggyhampton

https://t.co/MpXylfz7to

[Dishonourable Unmentionables @DishonourableU]

by @CowApocalypse!

[Dishonourable Unmentionables @DishonourableU]

“Smithers. Wayland Smithers.”

by Larry Ryals

https://t.co/cOnuCHIFtk

[Dishonourable Unmentionables @DishonourableU]

“Mama needs to tighten her belt. And, since you like to loosen yours, how about a little quid-pro-blow? After all my fluffing and fellating, a little help with frizz and flat-ironing can’t possibly be too much.”

by @nuevohombre

https://t.co/ImUn9BhTUz