Dave Jackson

Amazingly handsome, ridiculously intelligent, constantly witty, unbelievably modest, geeky and devout atheist

[Dave Jackson @djackson2601]

@floboflo @PYeerk Get a room guys!

[Flibberty Gibbert @ReturnOfDadbo]

No.

You won’t be removing our Human Rights to get your dystopian hellscape.

You set of cunts.

[Harry Eccles @Heccles94]

200,000 people in 8 years. That is only 0.29% of the UK population over 8 years.

Yet it’s in the news every single day.

In that same time 4,000,000 people have emigrated away from the UK (twenty times as many people).

The news is in league with Farage. Sadly it’s working.

[Dave Jackson @djackson2601]

@Ryanair planes are shit. Not even a pouch at the back of the seat in front of you to store your book? Sort yourselves out.

[VeryBritishProblems @SoVeryBritish]

A recent report says that voice notes are huge across the world… apart from in Britain.

Here’s my two cents (or pennies) on why I dislike voice notes:

1. I don’t want to have to put in earphones or find a quiet place when out and about, just for you to tell me “yes” or “no” about whether you’re free for a cup of tea next Wednesday.

2. While I’m watching telly, I want to be able to glance down at my phone and get the information I need in text form. I don’t want to have to turn the telly off and listen to your private podcast that’s just for me.

3. I don’t want to wade through three minutes of waffle and chit-chat I never asked for when a thumbs-up emoji will do.

4. It makes me feel like you expect a voice note back - and I’m not doing that.

5. I have no interest in tangents about how you’ve just seen an interesting pigeon on the pavement. I asked if you could give me a lift to the station, and 12 minutes in you’re talking about a pigeon and I’ve missed my train.

6. The convenience is all yours. It’s quick to send a voice note, but much slower for me to consume it. It’s bad manners.

I think that about covers it. Of course, if voice notes are a more accessible option for the sender (due to difficulty typing, vision impairment, language barriers, etc.), that’s completely understandable - a different kettle of fish! But if you just like waffling, I’d rather not be the waffle sounding board.

(Really I think I’m just jealous of people who are able to talk coherently for minutes at a time).

[Dave Jackson @djackson2601]

@Renmakesmusic just something worth making fans aware of. I got super excited that Ren followed me! Until I checked the profile. Defo a scam. Be careful out there peeps.

[Very Brexit Problems @VeryBrexitProbs]

8 lines every flag-shagging plastic “patriot” has in their playbook

1.“I want my country back” - From what? You voted for the party that ran it for 14 years.

2.“Our grandads didn’t fight for this” - Your grandads would be ashamed that you can’t find Normandy on a map. They fought with Poles, Sikhs, Gurkhas, and West Indians beside them. They’d have more in common with the immigrants you hate than plastic patriots sharing memes about them.

3.“This isn’t the Britain I grew up in” - Correct. It has lower crime, longer life expectancy, and better healthcare than the 1970s you’re romanticising. You just don’t remember the power cuts and three-day weeks.

4.“Britain is broken” - The most unpatriotic sentence in the English language, repeated daily by people say they love their country.

5. “We’re full” - The Netherlands has twice the population density and somehow manages. The UK is not full. It’s just had 14 years of no housebuilding and you need someone darker than you to blame for it.

6.“We look after our own first” - You vote for parties that cut disability benefits, froze nurses’ pay, gave tax breaks to the rich and closed Sure Start centres. You don’t look after anyone.

7.“Stop the boats” - The Tories spent £700 million on Rwanda to deport four people. Zero boats were stopped. You cheered anyway.

8.“Starmer is a traitor” - The man prosecuted terrorists, paedophile rings, and war criminals as DPP. You import American culture war propaganda from people who openly despise our allies, trash your own country 24/7, and follow convicted fraudsters who lied about where they were born. The only ones treacherously trashing Britain’s reputation daily are you.

[Dave Jackson @djackson2601]

@DearS_o_n I work with my wife. I’ll let her know it has to stop now.

[Dave Jackson @djackson2601]

@RobertJenrick Just an FYI: there is no data checking on the site, not even for the address. So postcode S21 T1TS is just accepted… so I’ve heard…

[Simon Maechling @simonmaechling]

I’m a chemist. I need to say this - because it’s getting dangerous out there. The biggest health myth in the world isn’t about vaccines.

Or GMOs. Or fluoride.

It’s the root of all of them.
It’s called chemophobia - and it’s killing science.

Fear of “chemicals” now drives vaccine rejection, GMO bans, food hysteria, and entire political movements.

From tampons to tap water, people have been taught to fear chemistry - the very thing that keeps us alive.

Chemophobia tells us:
“Natural is good.”
“Synthetic is bad.”

That’s a lie.

Botulinum toxin is 100% natural and one of the deadliest molecules known.

Aspirin is synthetic and life-saving.

We’ve gone from banning harmful substances for good reason…to banning safe, well-tested molecules for emotional reasons.

You’ve seen the slogans:

“If you can’t pronounce it, don’t eat it.”
“Paraben-free.”
“Clean beauty.”

They sound empowering. But they’re not science - they’re marketing.

And they’re making the world dumber, poorer, and sicker.

Your body doesn’t care if a molecule comes from a plant or a lab.
Vitamin C is vitamin C.

Formaldehyde is formaldehyde and your body makes more of it every day than any vaccine ever could.

Dose matters. Source doesn’t.
This fear isn’t harmless.

It shapes public policy.
It blocks innovation.
It raises food prices.
It slows down cancer treatments.

Chemophobia is now mainstream and it’s costing lives.

Scientists aren’t losing because we’re wrong. We’re losing because fear spreads faster than facts.

Because influencers sell fear for clicks. Because lawyers monetize doubt.

And because scientists are too tired to fight back. So here’s my message, as a chemist and as a citizen:

Learn how toxicology works.
Call out chemical fear-mongering.
Support policies based on evidence, not emotion.

Chemistry isn’t the enemy.
It’s the reason you have clean water, safe food, and modern medicine.

If we let fear win, we lose all of it.

[Tez @tezilyas]

Lost to a blonde woman whose party leader is a gay Jew.

Those darn Muslims 😤

[Dave Jackson @djackson2601]

I forgot that gurning was a thing and I just remembered about it and I remember that the world has always been weird

[t/a Underscores Rn’t Us @AndyPlumb4]

“If Carlsberg did one-liners” 😂

[LaughBreak: Dad Jokes ‘N More @MediocreJoker85]

A man works as a train driver in Bulgaria. One day, he falls asleep at the controls and accidentally runs over someone walking on the tracks. He’s arrested, goes to trial, and is sentenced to death.

On death row, the executioner asks him, “What would you like for your last meal?”

“I’d like a banana,” the man says.

The executioner finds it strange but shrugs and brings him a banana. The man eats it, is strapped into the electric chair, and the switch is flipped.

Nothing happens.

In Bulgaria, a failed execution is considered an act of divine intervention, and the man is released.

A few months later, the man is driving trains again for a different company. Unfortunately, old habits die hard. He falls asleep at the controls once more, this time killing two people. He’s arrested, tried, and sentenced to death again.

Back on death row, the same executioner approaches him.

“You again? What do you want for your last meal this time?”

“Two bananas, please.”

Shaking his head, the executioner gives him the bananas. The man eats them, is strapped into the chair, and the switch is flipped.

Nothing happens.

Once again, the man walks free.

Months pass. One day, the executioner is stunned to see the same man back on death row for a third time, this time for running over three people with a train.

The executioner approaches him cautiously. “Let me guess. Three bananas?”

“Actually, yes! How did you know?”

“That’s it,” says the executioner. “This has gone on long enough. No bananas this time.”

The man is strapped into the electric chair with no last meal. The switch is flipped.

Nothing happens.

“I don’t understand!” the executioner shouts. “You didn’t eat any bananas!”

The man sighs and says,
“It’s not the bananas. I’m just a bad conductor.”

[Derek Devicemanager @IT_unhinged]

An employee from marketing walked up to me in the breakroom today.

He asked, “Derek, can you help me? I'm locked out of my Outlook account”

I looked at him. I smiled.

Then I revoked his computer access.

Why?

Because he didn't submit a ticket.

If we solve problems without tickets, we have no data. If we have no data, we have no metrics. If we have no metrics, I don’t get my bonus.

I told him, "Submit a ticket, and I will reset your account within 3–5 business days."

Process protects us all.

[weather @dsxf234161]

it snew

[Carl @itsiscarl]

Zack Polanski's really changing how I view politics 'cause now I'm thinking, "holy shit I get to vote for a party I like," instead of, "guess I'll choose the party I dislike the least."

[Harry Eccles @Heccles94]

Blaming asylum seekers for homelessness? What about the 720,000 empty homes in England, and the 1,627,450 second homes in England alone.

Blaming asylum seekers for expensive food shops? What about the £3,100,000,000 profit Tesco made last year?

Blaming asylum seekers for expensive energy bills? What about the £438,000,000,000 made by just 20 energy companies in profit?

Blaming immigrants for not getting an NHS appointment? What about the 260,000+ migrant workers keeping the NHS going? And what about the 25% real term cut in NHS funding, think that could do it?

Blaming people on welfare for a lack of money to fund the NHS? What about the £36,000,000,000 tax gap due to avoidance and evasion by the elite?

It's time to realise it's not immigrants, asylum seekers or people on welfare causing you any harm, it's capitalism and the mega rich hoarding all the wealth.

[Tim Minchin @timminchin]

Man, I love Jamie’s voice. And face. And playing. This was a fun moment on a fun night a lonnng time ago.
@jamiecullum

Friday Night with Jonathan Ross - BBC One, 2009, Series 17: Episode 8.
#DigitalHouseOfTimothy
#Backstory