Alexandria Kelly

If he misses you, he'll call. If he cares, he'll show it. If not, he can't be worth your time because you're obviously not worth his.

[Julie Martin @Bludnishchev93E]

Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast.

[Sylvia Kearney @edozyxM]

Saying you'll wake up EARLY to get something done... then when you wake up, convincing yourself it's not important.

[Alexandria Kelly @dpabaskina]

If you hurt my best friend, I will make your death look like an accident.

[Pamela Merrill @tavleriya]

Politicians and diapers need to be changed regularly, usually for the same reason.

[Dorotha Coley @magdalinskayag1]

The best revenge you could ever do to the person who broke your heart, is to just let them see that you're happy without them.

[Geraldine Grover @DarovStrong]

"I love Eminem!" "I like Skittles better" "No, the rapper you idiot" "You're the idiot, what's so good about a M&M wrapper?"

[Alexandria Kelly @dpabaskina]

Can people cry underwater?

[Alexandria Kelly @dpabaskina]

Two types of people that annoy me: Drunk people when I'm sober. Sober people when I'm drunk.

[Alexandria Kelly @dpabaskina]

Find the Gay person;

[Mary Wallace @polynkov1973]

A consensus means that everyone agrees to say collectively what no one believes individually.

[Alexandria Kelly @dpabaskina]

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

[Theresa Burch @aksentiymanevi1]

Dear Michael Jordan please start making condoms so these people will start wearing them..

[Alexandria Kelly @dpabaskina]

That awkward moment when you remember something funny, and can't stop smiling like an idiot..

[Alexandria Kelly @dpabaskina]

I keep hitting "escape", but I'm still here.

[Donna Hoots @kmadinya]

Teacher: "From all the talking I assume you're done with your homework." Student: "From all the complaining I assume you're still single."

[Alexandria Kelly @dpabaskina]

The cost of not following your heart, is spending the rest of your life ... wishing you had.

[Alexandria Kelly @dpabaskina]

My favorite coffee in the morning is the one where no one talks to me while I drink it.

[Alexandria Kelly @dpabaskina]

If a man fails to open a jar, he must kill all witnesses.

[Carolyn Williams @DanyukovaLona]

Nobody wants to be with somebody that's been with everybody.