Dylan Newell

Husband. Father. Yankee fan. Parawhore. Alabama native. Josh Donaldson shitter-onner. shakin tits and takin shits. other redeeming qualities.

[Dylan Newell @dylanrnewell40]

whoever created the adderall shortage your moms a hoe

[Adam Schefter @AdamSchefter]

Falcons QB Michael Penix Jr will not play in Friday night’s preseason finale vs the Miami Dolphins, per HC Kevin Stefanski.

[Alabama Football @AlabamaFTBL]

Iron Bowl Champs! 💪

#RollTide | @_MIBProgram

[Dylan Newell @dylanrnewell40]

FUCK THE BARN LOL ROLL TIDE

[Peter Lonzo 🇭🇹 @TeamThirstTrap]

when you’re a jets fan

[Dylan Newell @dylanrnewell40]

hey @JamesGunn thank you for peacemaker but fuck you for that ending i hate you. also love you can’t wait for man of tomorrow

[Cruz Oxenreider @TheRealCruzOx]

BAMA HAS TO PLAY USF AGAIN NEXT SEASON?!?

[Dylan Newell @dylanrnewell40]

Imagine opening twitter and seeing your favorite baseball player is a piece of shit. I am in shambles rn

[Mark Teixeira @teixeiramark25]

Big news: I’m ready to go!

As a lifelong conservative who loves this country, I’m running for Congress to fight for the principles that make Texas and America great.

It takes teamwork to win – I’m ready to help defend President Trump’s America First agenda, Texas families, and individual liberty.

�� Join our team today → Visit our website to learn more, sign up, and get involved!

https://t.co/gcbmOPTPU5

[Pro Wrestling Centel @PWCentel]

“You’re a sick person if you’re celebrating Hulk Hogan’s death”

[Drew @DMcIntyreWWE]

Still bored at work lol

[Wave Meltzer @LostFrisco]

ain’t no vaccines on the island of relevancy 😭

[Dylan Newell @dylanrnewell40]

O CAPTAIN MY CAPTAIN

[MLB @MLB]

CAPTAIN AMERICA 🇺🇲

Aaron Judge will lead Team USA in the 2026 #WorldBaseballClassic.

[Dylan Newell @dylanrnewell40]

UPDATE: fuck you. Source: deez nuts

[Lee Zeldin @epaleezeldin]

UPDATE: I am cancelling over 400 DEI and Environmental Justice grants across 9 grant programs totaling $1.7 BILLION, bringing @EPA's total savings to over $2 BILLION!

This fourth round of EPA/@DOGE cuts was our biggest yet.

[Dylan Newell @dylanrnewell40]

There’s always next year

[Jeff Passan @JeffPassan]

New York Yankees ace Gerrit Cole will undergo Tommy John surgery tomorrow to repair a torn right ulnar collateral ligament and miss the 2025 season.

[Dylan Newell @dylanrnewell40]

my brother in christ you kicked cody rhodes square in the nuts and stood on his head.

[John Cena @JohnCena]

How others respond to us tends to say a whole lot more about them than it does about us. Evaluate it and don’t take it personal.

[ash @contextmxnster]

you think the itsy bitsy spider gave a fuck about the rain. no. it climbed the spout again. lock in

[Dylan Newell @dylanrnewell40]

Achilles

[FanDuel Sports @FanDuelSports]

@AdamSchefter Describe the Aaron Rodgers x Jets era in 1 WORD ✍️

[Kurt Angle @RealKurtAngle]

I’ve noticed the ‘Perc Angle’ nickname trending on social media. While I know it’s made in jest, it reminds me of a time when I struggled deeply with addiction and mental health challenges. Those memories are painful, but they also fuel my commitment to helping others. I’ve been clean for 12 years and have since built a life dedicated to purpose and service. Addiction destroys lives, but it’s never too late to get help. I appreciate all the positive feedback and support. To my fans: thank you for never giving up on me. I love you all.

-Kurt Angle

[Adam Schefter @AdamSchefter]

A new coach in New York: Jets are hiring former Lions defensive coordinator Aaron Glenn as their new head coach, per sources.

The former Jets 1994 first-round pick, who became a personnel scout for the team, now is becoming their head coach.

[Racism Watchdog @RacismDog]

BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK

[CC Sabathia @CC_Sabathia]

FIRST BALLOT HALL OF FAMER!!!!! I LOVE YOU ALL!!!