Eli

🦦

[dane 🚩 @buckadeath]

Turkish dudes doing CIA level ethnic background checks on aging American pornstars

[ben 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿🏆 @bnwkr]

imagining a 74 year old judge reading this after a long week

[cav empty @cavempty_]

was sleepy as hell on my drive to work and i couldn’t stop thinking about the brick method of driving

[BlockHead @blockhead4000]

You could have a Halo 3 rocket launcher pointed directly at my head and I wouldnt unmute this video

[Work Retire Die @WorkRetireDie]

Me to the IT guy who told me “have you tried turning it on and off again” when he finds out computer actually has a massive virus after I failed the phishing email test and spent 8 hours on an illegal off shore gambling site

[My Mixtapez @mymixtapez]

La Capone’s mom shares that she’s still holding onto the weed and honey bun he left in his room the day he was killed 13 years ago 💔🕊

[Lukas (computer)🔺 @SCHIZO_FREQ]

Latina manipulation tactics are so low-tech that 20yo looksmaxxers can clock them in picoseconds just with the residual misogyny they accidentally picked up while learning about skincare

[sarge @sarge____]

that situation is so far beyond Jim's level of comprehension and understanding

[jack @actionjack69]

Daboll thinks Dart is gonna save his job and it’s leading to this fascinating, hyper-sexual fixation

[Eli @elikapolis]

@jackl80475749 @KVN_03 @danorlovsky7 You must not have watched last season. Osu has been impenetrable on the goal line. No matter what those chumps called they weren’t getting 6

[Eli @elikapolis]

She ran off like Kevin Love after he got his shoulder ripped out of the socket

[BrickCenter @BrickCenter_]

A WNBA player’s wig fell off and they ejected a fan for “making fun”

The WNBA is SOFT 😭😭😭

[Eli @elikapolis]

Anyone with 500+ connections on linkedin is being used for meat shields when china sends their half bug half robot rape bot to our doorstep

[🇫🇷⍤Safoualo⍤🇵🇸 @Safoualo]

The lesbians have fallen in love with the strippers !

[☯︎ @TaoistShelby]

The only problem with letterboxd is its user base. The tools of the platform are great. It’s just difficult to decipher whether I’ll enjoy a movie when the only reviews I can read are a thousand snarky bisexual libs trying to land one-liners.

[birdbath @birdbath]

All right class, quick show of hands, how many of you have ever stayed up until you hear the birds chirping at dawn and gotten a peculiar sense that they're talking about the dream you didn't have last night as you laid awake instead? Keep raising your hand if you ever imagined that they were discussing amongst themselves how to construct a rocking chair expertly crafted to the eccentric contours of your restless psyche to help you attain seamless lucidity as the rhythmic cradling of your vertebrae syncs up with the undulating nocturnal hum around you? Well, I have good news for the girl in the choker still raising her hand in the back, the birds have answered your prayers and sculpted my face for you to sit on, but first you'll have to take off those Lululemon ass-huggers. As for the rest of you, I have my doubts that you have what it takes to make it in the demanding field of landscape horticulture.

[my life is a living hell. every minute is torture @on_da_spectrum]

It never ceases to amaze me that there aren’t thousands of major, multi-fatality car crashes every day, that people who believe stuff like this are able to drive to work, get food from the store, etc without accidentally blowing themselves and everyone around them up