Rat Queen, Queen of the Rats🐀

mentally, I am in the place where all the jokes that don’t land go #geauxtigers (anthropologist, actually)

[vivian @blewmarine]

can i come over and have some paper to draw on

[the heart @Fredward3948576]

Can you feel me looking at your location on find my friends, do you feel like there’s an angel watching over you

[latke @latkedelrey]

fucked up that when they put contrast in your veins for an MRI they’re like “it’s gonna make you feel like you peed your pants. rest assured, you are not peeing your pants.” and you’re kinda like “that sounds ridiculous” but then it really does feel like you peed your pants.

[Benny Feldman @Feldfrog]

I’m at the aquarium petting zone just absolutely grabbing

[hb @h3xenbrenner2]

This is how I travel to work

[donald boat @laserboat999]

Texting gf “All quiet on the menstrual front?” and immediately getting jaw blown apart by a sniper on an adjacent apartment building

[donald boat @laserboat999]

They’re saying they caught the grinch trying to steal presents in baton rouge louisiana and they killed him in the road like gaddafi

[carter hambley @carterhambley]

[pulling back my aggressive dog] sorry lol he can tell you were born out of wedlock

[The Notorious J.O.V. @whotfisjovana]

real

[Michael Good @michaelgooood]

every adult woman I know is reading like they're trying to qualify for a pizza party and every guy I know owes DraftKings $5000

[Alex @AlexShaneMoore]

Oh really? We’ll see what the same 6 people who always agree with me think about that

[AB @AB84]

Cracker of the Day

Fuck wit da vibe #CTESPN @zachlanebryan

[bald ann dowd @ali_sivi]

remember that you are swag and to swag you shall return

[jimmy falun gong @eviIcherub]

just got diagnosed with needing a hot dog

[｡:° ʚĭɞ @k852947316]

i should've never smoked that shit now i'm at the littlest pet shop get better center

[sensory homunculette @myfriendcallie]

i desire a trip to the aquarium , at the end of which i am permitted to pick one toy for my good behavior

[eric curtin @_ericcurtin]

(tracy chapman voice) you've got an elf bar