Graeme Carey

Funny words in @newyorkerhumor @mcsweeneys @SlackjawHumor @PointsinCase

[Graeme Carey @GraCarey]

@therealgoochy Hell yes. That was great.

[Graeme Carey @GraCarey]

Latest for @PointsinCase is a real thinker.

https://t.co/lhk6jVINEw

[Points in Case @PointsinCase]

What are thoughts? A better question might be, What isn’t a thought? A basketball, for example? https://t.co/CEKga99kxG

[Graeme Carey @GraCarey]

@BruCreative @newyorkerhumor Wow! Thanks so much, Tod!

[Graeme Carey @GraCarey]

My latest for @newyorkerhumor: What to Do if You Find Paul Giamatti Hiding in Your Christmas Tree. (It happens more often than you might think.)

Happy Holidays!

https://t.co/2Rubuc8X3l

[The New Yorker Humor @newyorkerhumor]

It can be days before you notice Paul Giamatti hiding in your Christmas tree. Prepare with some tips on what to do if you find the two-time Academy Award nominee hiding in your Douglas fir. https://t.co/BcJR8vr2c7

[Alex Baia @al_baia]

Today: A little young to be having kids!

1884: Has fathered seven kids so far, ten if you include the ones who were taken early by the whooping cough.

My latest for the New Yorker's Shouts & Murmurs

https://t.co/wW2eE9Du8D

[Alex Baia @al_baia]

What’s your passion in life? What lights you up? Why can’t you just find a well-paying job doing that?

New piece in @newyorkerhumor today

https://t.co/iID9zYc9B9

[Graeme Carey @GraCarey]

“Why was it a requirement that we all study at the prestigious International School of Dramatic Corporeal Mime in Paris? Seems a bit excessive, no?”

New one for @SlackjawHumor:

https://t.co/a0YHGa2VcG

[Graeme Carey @GraCarey]

"My four-wheel drive and independent front-end suspension were meant for climbing up treacherous mountainside roads in remote Alaska, not speed humps in the school drop-off line."

Latest for @SlackjawHumor. (I drive a compact sedan, fyi.)
https://t.co/9YRhjf9AGa

[Graeme Carey @GraCarey]

"Death just isn’t for me. Only for you and everyone else. Which is sad. Not 'me dying' sad, mind you, but still quite sad."

New one for @SlackjawHumor
https://t.co/h79fVinUTa

[Graeme Carey @GraCarey]

@theillustrious This is great.

[Graeme Carey @GraCarey]

“Who needs friends when you have man’s best friend? Intrusive thoughts.”

New piece for @PointsinCase. No, but I really do prefer being alone—unless, why, you wanna do something?

https://t.co/OWpqxWTtLB

[Graeme Carey @GraCarey]

@meg_it_happen Thanks, Meg!

[McSweeney's @mcsweeneys]

"Shorts are for basketball players and AC/DC guitarist Angus Young. Do I look like I’m seven feet tall or an Australian rock legend? No, I’m 5’4” and completely tone-deaf."
https://t.co/jfTdzRs8de

[Graeme Carey @GraCarey]

I am so flipping excited to be back in @newyorkerhumor! Sharing my super strict, highly regimented morning routine. 

https://t.co/2OvvMpmORK

[The New Yorker @NewYorker]

Some tips from @newyorkerhumor on how to form a solid morning routine. For starters, my strict routine has me waking up at the exact same time every single day—anywhere between 10 A.M. and 2 P.M. https://t.co/sz7404eSG6

[David Henne @davidhenne]

"Of all the dine-in spectacles—it’s as though some hooligan committed to a single bite and vanished!"

Essential reading for all those who have stumbled upon unclaimed sandwiches, via @PointsinCase.

https://t.co/o1yjQsVNe8

[Graeme Carey @GraCarey]

@AmyCurrul @mcsweeneys Thanks, Amy! Really appreciate that!

[Graeme Carey @GraCarey]

Proud father of a new @mcsweeneys piece (weight: 500 words):

“Frankly, it’s unconstitutional that rampant inflation is keeping me from achieving paternal inflation.”

https://t.co/uxHCswOq1H