ice

[REE$E ⋆｡𖦹°‧★ @reesebepuffing]

a beautiful chinese woman named Deer Xing is communicating with me through road signs

[Cher @cher]

I Need To Shoot My Phone

[Nate @thenatewolf]

You are speaking to me as if I am a horse you own instead of a horse you are lucky to have stumbled across in a meadow.

[tartaglia (combat advice) @ajaxintheair]

stop saying the phrase "hurt people hurt people" around me because i just hear a command twice

[frax @fraxiommusic]

I’m sorry. I thought I was just ordering nachos for one. didn’t realize that I was ordering all the nachos like for the table. I would’ve maybe ordered some more nachos If I realized all of you were gonna have your hands in it mixing it up all dirty playing in my cheese all nasty

[🦫🇺🇾 @doubtpointv2]

Dating is hard for me bc if I feel like I'm smarter than you I start subconsciously expecting you to dance for me and if I feel like you're smarter than me I turn you into my father

[toad @thelifeoftoad]

Oh sure let’s blame the guy whose fault it is

[Gale Na @poisonjr]

so you WERE fucking watching

[cooper @marnieapologist]

my body does not know the difference between a mistake at work and being hunted for sport

[A @seattleiminyou]

The week before your period when you build a rico case on everyone you know

[Greg the Sorcerer @gregthesorcerer]

It’s because you’re always on that damn amulet

[Negi💸 @NM5WRLD]

btches take cheating too far wtf u doing wit da judge dat sentenced me.

[rayne fisher-quann @raynefq]

When someone is best friends with their cousin it means something bad happened in their family

[R I S S A @Badassrissa_]

best thing i ever did was calm down

[Ryan, Perdido en TX @RyanLostinTX]

Twas the night before Christmas
When all through the house
The air conditioner was running
Because you live in the south

[g @34rths]

Can someone remove my curse please

[teeth @teeth12345]

They're cutting me open just to see

[wicked wigger of the west @Nick_Cerveza]

I'm still repaying karmic debt from that time I was 12 and gave the middle finger to a cow at the state fair

[ice @gummo1997]

@sydurbanek kinda bowhomeian

[Yunie ૮ ․ ․ ྀིა @Hyeyunie]

You think I’m strict now you should have met me when I was a toddler. I’ve mellowed out over the years