McMurph

just looking for a soft place to land

[McMurph @heathermcmurphy]

LinkedIn is my favorite dating app so far

[Avogadro’s House of Moles @schumoo]

Leaving my kids heirloom tomatoes in my will.

[Mark @rage69chaos]

Happy National Boyfriend Day to every boyfriend who’s been told “I’m fine” hundreds of times & still ends up in the doghouse for not fixing the problem you had no idea about.

[Bö Jänke: Hönkÿ @Bob_Janke]

Star Wars happened. Punk happened. Let it go

[Paul Bronks @SlenderSherbet]

He Told Her To Calm Down.

Oil on canvas.

🎨: Henri-Léopold Lévy

[Horatio Quartzjixler @Quartzjixler]

50 Shades of Poorly Written Lonely Housewife Catnip

[Midwest vs. The Rest @midwestern_ope]

Happy Crocktober Fest to those who celebrate

[B @ParmaJawnCheese]

The more I think about it, M. Night Shyamalan really is just R.L. Stine for adults

[Damon Hunzeker @DamonHunzeker]

Our microwave broke, so now I can’t get my coffee hot until I find an air fryer big enough to warm up a microwave.

[Jenny Johnson @JennyJohnsonHi5]

It’s so hot in Los Angeles today all the influencers exploded. I know, I know. These things happen and it’s sad, but we will rebuild.

[Bö Jänke: Hönkÿ @Bob_Janke]

Everybody shut up Mean Girls is on

[Sophie2078 @Sophie2078]

I have never once known what to do with my hands in a group photo.

[Lilly Hale ♌ @LillyHale1]

You may think you're cool, but are you 1970's hard rock flutist cool?

[coco ᵕ̈ @cobyjak27]

financial situation so dire i’m in cartoonish situations. reach in my pockets and i pull out lint and a paper clip. then i open my wallet and a moth flies out. then i check my little safe and theres spiderwebs. under my couch cushions i find two brown coins and a silver coin. etc

[Horatio Quartzjixler @Quartzjixler]

When I find a comprehensive list of prepositions it'll be under, towards, in, on, at, to, by, above, with, near, at, down, for, through, and over for you bitches.

[Skurt Vonnegut @ThisLocalHater]

Oh, to be as happy as a bulldog in a sidecar wearing little goggles

[Alice Mills @millsalice144]

I haven’t even begun to procrastinate yet.

[chase @_chase_____]

“eating a lot of sugar will just give you a temporary burst of energy followed by a crash” ok great that actually sounds perfect. kind of exactly what i’m looking for

[astr0z0mbreez @astr0z0mbreez]

Now whenever the classic rock station plays the same artist back to back my belly turns & I’m like oh fuck plz no don’t tell me they died then I gotta go make sure

[Buhle @Guluvakazi_sa]

my advice to toddlers is to start saving your money now.

[Josh Dance @JoshDance]

babe are you ok? it’s already q4 and you’ve barely touched your “2026 roadmap”