I thought I'd be a natural at being a dad.
I wasn't.
Here's what fatherhood actually taught me (the last one broke me):
Before kids, I had a vision:
Patient father. Present. Kids who listened. A home full of respect and laughter.
Then reality hit.
My 3-year-old threw a tantrum in the grocery store. I lost it. Harsh words. The kind that echo.
He looked at me like I was a stranger.
That's when I realized:
Everything I thought I knew about being a father was wrong.
Here's what fatherhood actually requires:
YOUR TIME ISN'T YOURS ANYMORE
I used to have hobbies. Projects. Time to myself.
Now? My son wants to build Legos. My daughter wants to explore the woods. They want me to watch the same movie for the 47th time.
I can either resent it or embrace it.
I chose wrong for too long.
The truth: This window closes. One day they won't want my time.
YOUR EXAMPLE IS YOUR ONLY REAL LESSON
You can lecture about respect all you want.
But if you yell at your wife, dismiss their feelings, or scroll your phone while they're talking, that's what they learn.
They don't listen to your words. They copy your actions.
Every moment you think they're not watching, they are.
THEY WON'T THANK YOU FOR DOING IT RIGHT
Kids don't wake up and say thanks for the boundaries, dad or I'm grateful you disciplined me.
They fight you. They push back. They make you question everything.
But 20 years from now, they'll either respect the man you were or resent the one you weren't.
You're not building compliance. You're building character.
YOUR ANGER IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY
I used to blame my kids for my reactions.
They made me yell. They made me lose my temper.
No. I chose that.
Your patience isn't about them being easier. It's about you being stronger.
If you can't control yourself, how are you leading them?
THEY NEED YOU TO BE THE AUTHORITY
Not their friend. Not their buddy.
Their father.
Someone who sets the standard, enforces it, and doesn't waver.
Kids don't need gentle suggestions. They need clear boundaries and the security that comes from knowing you're in control.
Weak leadership creates anxious children.
THEIR LOVE FOR YOU ISN'T UNCONDITIONAL FOREVER
Right now, they love you by default.
But that changes.
If you're absent, angry, or inconsistent, that love turns to distance.
You earn their respect by being present, strong, and reliable.
Don't waste the years when they still look at you like you're everything.
THE WEIGHT OF IT NEVER GETS LIGHTER
I thought it would get easier.
It doesn't.
The stakes just get higher.
When they're toddlers, you're teaching patience.
When they're teens, you're teaching integrity.
When they're adults, you're watching to see if any of it stuck.
Every decision you make today echoes into their future.
That responsibility doesn't fade. It grows.
I still mess up. I still lose my patience. I still fall short.
But I'm better than I was.
Because I stopped pretending fatherhood would come naturally and started doing the work to become the man they need.
Your kids don't need a perfect father.
They need one who shows up, owns his failures, and keeps getting better.
Which of these hit you hardest?
I'm 80 years old and somehow I woke up in my 38 year old body just for one day.
I wake up to little hands tugging at the blankets.
I blink. I sit up slowly.
My babies, they're small again.
I gasp. I cry.
They climb into bed, giggling, wiggling.
I used to rush through mornings, but not today.
I pull them close. I hug them tight.
I kiss their messy hair.
I hold their little hands.
And this time I soak in every second.
I catch my reflection in the bathroom mirror.
No deep lines. No grey hair.
My younger face.
I used to think I looked old at 38.
What a silly thought.
I stare for a moment and think, you are so beautiful.
I find my husband in the kitchen making coffee.
He looks strong and young.
I wrap my arms around him so tightly.
And he looks surprised.
Maybe we didn't hug enough back then, I think.
We talk about the day.
Nothing big.
But today it all feels big.
I memorise the sound of his voice.
We pile into the car.
Kids arguing over seatbelts.
Someone drops a snack.
Crumbs everywhere.
And I used to get so frustrated.
But I soak in the noise.
The chaos.
I know my car will be quiet and spotless for many years to come.
But I'll miss the mess.
I will miss this mess.
Dinner is loud and unorganised.
No one wants to sit still.
There's shouting, giggling, a little arguing and so much life.
I don't clean up right away.
I just sit and watch, trying to burn it all into my memory.
And before bed, I pick up the phone.
I call my mum and I hear her voice.
Mum. Mum. Mum.
I haven't heard this voice in so many years.
I close my eyes and let her words wash over me.
And I tell her I love her again and again.
And I never want to hang up.
And this time I don't leave anything unsaid.
At bedtime, I don't skip pages in the story.
Not tonight.
I read every single word.
And then I ask, can we read one more book?
And they say yes.
I don't want this day to end.
I got one more day.
And this time I knew.
This was joy.
This was love.
Those little hands.
The loud, messy dinners.
Our strong young bodies with no aches or pains.
Our parents who were still alive.
It all mattered so much more than we ever realized.
- Love Letter to Right Now by Lisa Carlaw & Sarah Willis
Fatherhood: The Greatest Challenge and Reward
I am all about losing body fat, gaining muscle, and being a better dad.
Today I'd like to go deep on something that's at the core of my path: fatherhood. Having done it for 10 years, my opinion is that it's not all about diaper changing and catch; it's the hardest gym day you'll ever have, but with rewards that make every rep worth it. If you're a dad struggling through the madness, or contemplating it, this is for you.
Let's break it down: the obstacles, the triumphs, and how they all relate to being the best you.
Let's begin with the obstacles. Parenting isn't for the weak of heart: it's an all-body barrage against your mind, body, and schedule. Sleep? You raise your children well but you're gonna have bad days. I remember late nights when my babies kept me up every other hour, and I'd lurch myself out of bed and to the gym and make it in the next day feeling like I'd been hit by a truck. But that is where the real test comes: do you fight through the fatigue and still make it? It's like pulling a PR on deadlifts when your gas tank is empty. Challenge accepted.
And then there is time management. As a dad, your day is hijacked. Work, family, and don't even mention fitting in a workout. I thought I was busy before kids lol. Now it's more about getting stuff together like your life depends on it. Throw away the excuses, eliminate the garbage (time wasters, not necessarily food), and implement systems. Meal prep for the family? You're on. 20-minute speed HIIT sessions during nap time? Double-check. Or resentment builds against your spouse, your work, even your children. But flip the script: channel it as fuel to get organized and streamlined. That's how you level up.
Patience is another animal. Kids push you in ways no boss or crappy gym day ever could. Tantrums for nothing, incessant "why" and, that phase when they won't touch anything green. I've had moments I wanted to snap (and did), but that's when you dig deep. Breathe through it, stay calm, it's like maintaining your form in a heavy squat. Lose your form, all is lost. The secret? Stealing those moments and making them learning moments. Lead the example you want them to set. It's not easy, but it's what makes good dads great dads.
And don't downplay the emotional component. Parenting exposes your imperfections for what they are. Fears of being unable to provide, fears of failure, or comparing yourself to all the "perfect" Facebook families. I went from flab to fit due in part to not wanting my kids to see a dad who gave up on himself. The mental toll is real: guilt, overwhelm. But here's the secret: own it, then fight it. Write it out, ask other dads, pump some iron to shake your head loose. Don't whine; do.
Now, the payoffs. Nothing beats watching your children become little individuals because of the work you put in. That first "I love you, Dad," or watching them accomplish a goal you assisted them in achieving? Gold. The pure affection they show you back? It's charge for your very essence. My kids motivate me to be healthy: I want to be around for their milestones, playing with grandkids one day, not stressing over health issues.
Parenting builds you in ways that fitness just can't. Parenting teaches resilience like bouncing back from a rough day with a hug and a story at bedtime. Parenting refines empathy; you see the world from their eyes, and you become a good husband, good friend, and good leader. And the bliss? Little things like walks with the family, making forts, or just eating supper together and chuckling. These are the highs that wipe away the lows. I’ve become more disciplined, more present, and more grateful all because of fatherhood.
Connecting it back to my personal mantra: lose fat, gain muscle, be a better dad. Fitness isn't another aspect of life aside from being a parent; it's intertwined. Being physically fit means you have more energy to play, run after, and carry them around. A clear head from clean living and intervals so you can handle the crazy. And the discipline? It transfers into showing your kids what work ethic is through example. I'm far from perfect, but I do pick each day to be stronger.
If you feel stuck, keep in mind: you're not alone. Network with other dads, build community. I'm thinking about making a private group for fatherhood, fitness, and self-improvement – DM me if you want in. We can level each other up.
Dads, grind on. The struggles make you stronger; the wins create legacy. You've got this. Hit follow if this resonates with you, and let's get connected.
What is your biggest parenting victory or challenge? Leave it below.
Stay strong
@AdamBLiv Love your content
An idea for a new thread—> MSM is so concerned with the environment and co2. BTC is the solution: when money is worth more, people will automatically spend less on plastic crap,
Building Netflix taught me that your first idea is rarely your best idea.
We started mailing DVDs, not streaming movies.
Stay married to the problem you’re solving, not the solution you THINK will solve it.
“Mag ik je wat vragen?” - Column✍🏻
Mijn hartslag schoot omhoog. Altijd. Zeker vroeger, toen ik nog in de kast zat. Als iemand ineens over “de Pride” begon, of “homo’s” noemde, hoopte ik maar één ding: laat het niet over mij gaan. Laat ze niets vragen, laat me verdwijnen. Die angst is nooit helemaal weggegaan. En dat terwijl ik inmiddels open ben over wie ik ben. Je zou denken dat je, eenmaal uit de kast, eindelijk vrij kunt bewegen. Maar in plaats van opgelucht te zijn, blijf je alert. Want zichtbaar zijn is ook gevaarlijk geworden.
Tegelijkertijd weet ik: ik mag niet klagen. Mijn coming-out was een zachte landing. Ik werd opgevangen door de allerliefste vrienden en familie. Mijn vrienden waren warm, oprecht en veilig. Mijn familie stond achter me, zonder voorbehoud. De relatie met hen is alleen maar sterker geworden. En dat geeft rust. Ik woon in de Achterhoek. En zeker nu, ben ik daar oprecht blij mee. Hier voel ik ruimte. Niet dat alles hier perfect is. Natuurlijk niet. Maar er is een soort rust, een menselijkheid, een gemoedelijkheid die me beschermt tegen de scherpte die ik in onder andere Amsterdam ervaar.
Mijn vriend woont in Nunspeet, midden in de biblebelt. Als je de verhalen en beelden moet geloven, is het er een gevaarlijke plek voor homo’s. Je hoort de frames: dat je er niet veilig bent, niet welkom, dat het er ‘zwart’ is voor wie anders is. Maar wat ik daar zelf zie en ervaar is anders. Mensen zijn er rustig, beschaafd en oprecht vriendelijk. Geen scheldpartijen, geen dreigingen, geen angst. Gewoon leven en laten leven. Het is een verrassende werkelijkheid die soms vergeten wordt, maar die ik belangrijk vind om te benoemen. Want ook daar kan het anders zijn. En dat verdient aandacht.
En dat beeld wordt breder gedeeld. In een interview uit 2018 zei Teunis, een homoseksuele jongen uit Urk – óók biblebelt – iets wat me is bijgebleven: “In de hoofdstad werd ik bespuugd. In Urk gebeurt dat niet. Urk gaat met de tijd mee. Mensen kijken hooguit even na. Ik denk dat het op Urk net zo werkt. Zo van: het zijn homo’s, maar het zijn wel ónze homo’s.” Dat zegt iets. Het bevestigt wat ik zelf ook zie: de veronderstelde tegenstelling tussen progressieve steden en ‘conservatievere’ dorpen klopt lang niet altijd. Er is een verschil tussen niet alles begrijpen en actief haten. En in veel dorpen is er ruimte gegroeid. Stil, zonder vlaggen, maar wel écht.
En juist daarom is het stuitend dat, als het over homohaat gaat, bestuurders als Marjolein Moorman (Amsterdam, GroenLinks/PvdA) stelselmatig blijven wijzen naar de biblebelt. Ook in de media wordt dat frame telkens opnieuw opgerakeld. Maar dat beeld klopt niet meer. Nee, ik zeg niet dat het daar perfect is. Maar het is er wél aanzienlijk veiliger dan op plekken als Amsterdam. Daar, in de stad van de regenboogvlaggen en Pride-vlaggetjes, is de werkelijkheid voor veel LHBTI’ers rauw en onveilig. Leven en laten leven staat in veel kleinere gemeenschappen inmiddels hoger in het vaandel dan in onze zelfverklaarde progressieve hoofdstad.
In Amsterdam daalt de homo-acceptatie hard. Vorig jaar bleek uit de Gezondheidsmonitor Jeugd 2023 van de GGD Amsterdam dat nog maar 43 procent van de tweede- en vierdeklassers homoseksualiteit normaal vindt. Dat was een flinke daling ten opzichte van twee jaar eerder, toen dit nog 63 procent was. Een alarmerende trend, die níét zomaar een landelijke afspiegeling is. Staatssecretaris Mariëlle Paul bevestigt op basis van onderzoek van de Universiteit van Amsterdam dat deze daling in slechts een paar regio’s speelt, met Amsterdam als opvallende negatieve uitschieter.
Het onderzoek laat zien dat onder meer jongens, vmbo-leerlingen, religieuze jongeren en jongeren met een migratieachtergrond minder positief staan tegenover LHBTI’ers. Dat is pijnlijk, maar het zijn feiten. Feiten die we niet langer kunnen wegmoffelen onder algemene slogans of door te wijzen naar andere regio’s. Geen afschuiven meer. Handel. 1/2