GoodNewsBadNews

[GoodNewsBadNews @imence2]

@CarBusinessMan Where did you get this from? That’s not from their site.

[brent @murrman5]

if you have a tic tac box you can carry as many teeth as you want without all the questions

[Cat Damon @CornOnTheGoblin]

(jessie's girl voice)
i wish i could dress a squirrel
i wish that i could dress a squirrel
where can i find a squirrel sized hat

[GoodNewsBadNews @imence2]

@estesdavid57 @SteveRosenheim1 @RobParkerFS1 @Patriots @NFL Spygate doesn’t involve the QB, so there’s that. He wasn’t suspended for cheating, he was suspended for not turning in his phone. Keep going, it’s entertaining.

[GoodNewsBadNews @imence2]

@Dnt09 @RobParkerFS1 @Patriots @NFL Your goat wasn’t an angel https://t.co/IR2myvUGJ0

[GoodNewsBadNews @imence2]

@BBaesemann @NFLBrasil Do you think it was rigged that the Chiefs only scored 9?

[chuuch @ch000ch]

(peering through the blinds at my neighbor while holding my largest knife) is this dude a fucking cake

[slam dance tarantula @JermHimselfish]

Rand Paul's full name is Random Politician

[slam dance tarantula @JermHimselfish]

The person that you become for 5 seconds after bowling a strike is the person that you really are inside

[Cat Damon @CornOnTheGoblin]

ladies you have $15 to build the perfect man

$50 - handsome
$30 - rich
$20 - funny
$5 - hamburger
$5 - helper
$5 - glove

[pat tobin @tastefactory]

"I'm the only cop on the force who can play the bassoon dammit" "Not anymore" New cop in sunglasses walks in, just killing it on the bassoon

[Cat Damon @CornOnTheGoblin]

[girlfriend licks chocolate syrup off of my chest] yum my turn
[pours a can of spaghettiOs on her ass]

[slam dance tarantula @JermHimselfish]

Just saw that the History channel has a show on called "After Hitler" and it could literally be about anything

[Noodles @Dawn_M_]

Age 10: I'm going to be a rockstar
Age 20: I might learn an instrument someday
Age 30: I hope a piano lands on me

[slam dance tarantula @JermHimselfish]

Whenever a website wants me to prove that I'm not a robot there's always a small part of me that hopes I fail

[GoodNewsBadNews @imence2]

@OHVITTOMAR @hrkbenowen https://t.co/FQU3C7OOr4

Make sure to read the whole article before you say "Obama" gave them free phones again

[Tim @Playing_Dad]

[At Last Supper]
*Jesus raises bread*
This is my body
*raises wine*
& my blood
*pulls out 8 of Clubs*
& this is your card
*Apostles go nuts*

[slam dance tarantula @JermHimselfish]

"Just accept it, you lost, now get over it" said the person waving a confederate flag