Joseph Wolff

I do nerdy things and bake pies. Sometimes my baths last for hours.

[Joseph Wolff @jdwolff]

@katintheboots @AlexisCompBio @Truexyz To quote some comments I'd written in my code the other day: fuckin a!

[Joseph Wolff @jdwolff]

Wow. @FedEx is complete garbage. Terrible UI, delivery associates who don't follow instructions. If I wasn't forced to use you jackholes I wouldn't.

[Joseph Wolff @jdwolff]

@sethmeyers I'm just going to leave this picture of my Bill Murray tattoo here...

[Joseph Wolff @jdwolff]

@BBVA_USA I've been on hold with them for forever.

[Joseph Wolff @jdwolff]

@BBVA_USA my card was stolen and your terrible app won't let me add an outside bank to find the account so I don't get charged overdraft fees. As soon as I get this resolved I'm closing my account and sticking with Chase.

[Joseph Wolff @jdwolff]

@SWeggboy @Grimezsz I will do no such thing

[Joseph Wolff @jdwolff]

@MPaiMD @jfdwolff @pash22 @BritSocHaem @PHE_uk @MHRAgovuk @trishgreenhalgh @GrumpyOldDoc Pie friends for life!

[Joseph Wolff @jdwolff]

@MPaiMD @jfdwolff @pash22 @BritSocHaem @PHE_uk @MHRAgovuk @trishgreenhalgh @GrumpyOldDoc I'm sorry to say that you've got the wrong Wolff!

[Joseph Wolff @jdwolff]

@CrankGameplays Listen, I don't know how to tell you this but: I. DROPPED THE SCREW. IN THE TUNA.

[Joseph Wolff @jdwolff]

@writeplayrepeat You're inscrutable. That must never happen 🤷🏻

[Joseph Wolff @jdwolff]

@miketramontano It is, Mike. It is!

[Joseph Wolff @jdwolff]

@ashnikko Clitoris the Musical is SO FUCKING GOOD. So is Slumber Party. So is every track.

[rob corddry @robcorddry]

He incited a riot in which four people died and his punishment is getting temporarily locked out of Twitter. I wish the US gov had been my parents growing up.

[Joseph Wolff @jdwolff]

How are these Trump supporters gonna threaten Civil War and not bring up mission report December 16th 1991?

[ethan @ethannestor]

raise your hand if you're embarrassed and ashamed to be an american ✋

[Michael Ian Black @michaelianblack]

What about a Friends reunion where they all get together because Chandler died?

[Joseph Wolff @jdwolff]

How is blue gushers yogurt so good I want answers

[Chapin @Chapinc]

Jesus. The original insufferable influencer.

[Kenny Keil @kennykeil]

How is Peter Parker selling pictures of himself dressed as Spider-Man any different from onlyfans