rat dog enthusiast

I like cheez-its and champagne

[rat dog enthusiast @kierstenduh]

god forbid she wants a pint after a long day

[2Karious Donell Johnson @shayxonline]

i’m so tired of people bringing their fucking dogs everywhere. why is your big stankin goofy dog in the office kitchen???

[Jon “the dogg” Brooks @Jbrooksthethird]

Woke up hungover after 4 beers #LosingMyFastball

[budlightlyman @budlightlyman]

Lindsey Graham is day-to-day with an upper body injury, per Lamoriello. Mitch McConnell has not resumed skating.

[julia @juumelo_]

yes babe I think you’re a cold ass white boy can you please come back to bed now

[soph 🐞🦬 @thetroubleahead]

noah kahan has a song about this

[chatpile roan @chatpileroan]

God is putting me in a sock and swinging me hard as fuck into a wall later if you want to hang out

[Judith Butler Bible Thumper @philosophysux]

Not now sweetie. Mommy's busy using her intellect to bludgeon her emotions into catatonic submission

[ᴅᴏᴏᴍᴇɴɪᴄ @dinosaur_info]

however chill or not chill I seem now, I was way way more strict as a kid. I was in kindergarten avoiding kids who said “libary” because I thought they were incurably stupid

[daisy “dan goose” tackett @fatstevebuscemi]

oh to be a 4 years old beekeeper distracted by a roly poly instead of a wage slave under late stage capitalism

[Michael Mathes @MichaelMathes]

“England historically has struggled here in Massachusetts”
— #WorldCup announcer on Fox
👀

[miri @eggoslug]

I got that deer in me im going to jump in front of your car

[Taco Bella @bellathetaco]

A dictionary

[miia @miiagarro]

i'm gonna start telling men there's protein in emotional intelligence

[Definitely Nick @other_st_nick]

They should invent a coworker that knows stuff

[spelunky fc @spelunky_]

not only did carter hart lose but he also put up the worst goaltending performance in stanley cup finals history, & that’s something that everyone can celebrate!

[julia @juumelo_]

if no one else is gonna drink 12 beers and drunk text him I’m really left with no choice

[Mikael @BacardiCapital]

A credit card but instead of cash back you get Touch Tune credits

[Raq @raqisright]

Hunter Biden Summer:

- Standup comedian of the group chat
- Sober cigs
- Making jokes about prior drug use
- Cracking people up
- Bad decisions make you funny
- Low key smart
- Nepo babymaxxxxing
- My father will hear about this!

[Rockefeller @passtherocke]

Maybe she's at the Super 8 motel off I-95 with Hunter Biden as friends

[julia @juumelo_]

good evening king I have delivered 14 drunk texts to your online enclosure