DreamCrusher

Mom of 3 (a.k.a. Dreamcrusher), Queen RT'er. Blogger of Mommy Memoirs when I am not picking up socks.

[DreamCrusher @KroolMama]

My 10yo son would like to know why we can't be related to the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Model "family."
*watching Family Feud

[Jim Gaffigan @JimGaffigan]

Have you ever thought you had Covid?
But then you remember that’s just how you feel when you have children.

[Rachel Sobel @whinecheezits]

“That’s such a cute pill organizer!”
And other ridiculous things you say in your 40s.

[Ally @TragicAllyHere]

My eight year old has started talking back and then saying (outloud) “hashtag roasted” and dabbing. Not one of the parenting books prepared me for this.

[Sarcastic Mommy @sarcasticmommy4]

Whenever I'm having a bad day, I just remember that somewhere some mom has a child who likes to watch Caillou.

[Robert Knop @FatherWithTwins]

Me: She asked me to do something

Doctor: Then what happened?

Me: To be funny, I said “Do I have to do EVERYTHING around here?”

Doctor: How soon afterwards did she start stabbing you?

Me: Almost immediately

[The Real Rodney Lacroix @RealRodLacroix]

I always ignore my mom’s parenting advice because I'm proof-positive she has no idea what she's talking about.

[Tim @Playing_Dad]

Me: *remembers every word from every song I heard in 1984*

Also me: *looks at my boarding pass for the 2,438th time in the last 15 minutes to see what seat I'm in*

[mark @TheCatWhisprer]

God, grant me the tenacity of a Facebook mom promoting her cbd oil business.

[RLou72 🇨🇦 @keepitrealmom]

I think I know what I want to be when my kids move out!!!
A stay at home Mom 🙌🏻

[Randall Otis @RandallOtisTV]

We need the male version of bangs, a subtle way to signal that we’re going through some shit

[fírє вurns @h2_eh]

Life Hack: Don't get involved.

[The Dad Briefs @SladeWentworth]

Dried Corn Flakes stuck onto cereal bowls are the barnacles of the breakfast ecosystem.

[SpacedMom @copymama]

That moment when you’re about to shoot off on a rollercoaster and you keep pressing your harness down and imagine it malfunctioning and think to yourself that this might be the end for you? That’s what it feels like to become a parent.

[Abe Yospe @Cheeseboy22]

At some point, you will reach a "Driving to pick up your kids from practice barefoot" level of parenting.

[Marianelapurr @notmeagain]

😳😳😳😳

[not brendan @crocodilethumbs]

Y’all ever fall down and get up without Life Alert just to flex on senior citizens?

[SpacedMom @copymama]

Imagine having your shit together enough to actually take things out of the freezer early enough that they have time to defrost.

[Stacey @skittle624]

There is no way that it’s morning already.

~me, every single morning