Philippines adds new provinces to its territories; frees Tibet and East Turkestan
MANILA, Philippines — New geological evidence shows that the land northwest of Batanes is a part of the continental shelf of Palawan and Batanes provinces of the Philippines. In a completely logical move, the Republic of the Philippines has amended its constitution and included the new land as part of its inalienable and exclusive sovereign territory. The provinces have been renamed to reflect their true nationality.
Geological evidence also shows that the Tibetan plateau and the Taklamakan Desert form a natural and sociocultural boundary with the new provinces. Along with the annexation of the new territories, the Republic of the Philippines has entered into two treaties recognizing the sovereignty of Tibet and East Turkestan. As a democratic and republican state, the Philippines in an official statement said that it believes in the rights of peoples to self-determination and has recognized the sovereignty of the Tibetan and East Turkestan people over their territories.
Local government elections for the new provinces are set for May 2028, simultaneous with the next general elections. Caretaker governments will continue on a holdover capacity until new officials at the provincial, city, and municipal levels have been elected.
In the meantime Filipinos no longer need to present passports when traveling to the new provinces. Children and adults particularly look forward to being able to visit two Disneylands without having to pay for visas. The two theme parks, located in the newly created provinces of Pancitan (formerly Hong Kong) and Lumpiyaan (formerly Shanghai) shall start offering rides and amusement features in Tagalog and Cebuano languages, with more Filipino languages to follow. ###
(satire)