Long Socks

Former dancer. Current knobhead.

[Long Socks @longleggedbrit]

*stretches legs

“Let me tell you something, let me tell you something”

[Rodders ⚓️ @wiffabiggun]

Imagine booking a hotel and actually meeting a follower though and taking a bath and drinking tea…that’s unreal behaviour

[Faded Romantic @AFadedRomantic]

Sometimes I glide
through the day
on the curve
of your smile

[Faded Romantic @AFadedRomantic]

The thing about you
that attracts me
that excites me
that enchants me
that compels me
is everything

[Faded Romantic @AFadedRomantic]

I want you
wild
wanton
wicked
willing
and wet

[Tenacious Ken @Tenacious_Ken]

I just want to eat an entire Entenmann’s fudge cake off her ass cheeks

[Bobcat McNichols @FKACornshucks]

What idiot decides to open the boozers on a Saturday?

Oh.

[SixStringTrucker @MrEd_EVH]

I’m just a man
In a WalMart
Holding a shopping cart
Wondering
Where in the FUCK
Did the wife go
This time

[༻ 𝐂 𝐍𝐨 ༺ @herprettybones]

Maybe you hate everyone else because you really just hate yourself.

[BadMummy @WineMummy]

Sex is better with another person.

[Emmy Bacon 🇨🇦 @EmmyStar79]

Me: I'm sick

Twitter: I want to eat your ass

[mind this kapoor @_udtapunjabi]

Work from home?
I don't even work from work.

[Tony @tsm560]

I haven’t read a tweet since 2015

[That one chick from the internet @PrisonCookies]

I just wish I could get male pattern baldness on my chin

[Doug Bies @dougbies]

She was rare, like a millennial that wasn’t overly obsessed with her own selfies

[Doug Bies @dougbies]

I got kicked out of a buffet again for moaning too sexually in line

[BadMummy @WineMummy]

People make time for what they want to make time for.

Remember that.

[FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud]

2AM: *falling asleep on the couch no matter how hard I try and fight it

2.05AM: *in bed wondering what it would be like if trees had teeth instead of leaves