Matthew Ward

Combating pneumonia and UTIs one day at a time...in other people, not me. I'm fine. I'm saying other people get these things and then I treat them, medically.

[Matthew Ward @mattwardpac]

@NerdPokerPod I just came up with a new advertisement for @blainecapatch
Suicide! When life gets you down and keeps you down. Suicide. Brought to you by the makers of homicide...don't read into this. I'm fine...

[Matthew Ward @mattwardpac]

@BenningtonShow
Elton John releases a music video for 'Tiny Dancer' 45 years after the song's debut
https://t.co/Dn3I7HBuW2

[Matthew Ward @mattwardpac]

Elton John releases a music video for 'Tiny Dancer' 45 years after the song's debut
https://t.co/Dn3I7HBuW2

[Matthew Ward @mattwardpac]

@BenningtonShow @GailAaann
Elton John releases a music video for 'Tiny Dancer' 45 years after the song's debut
https://t.co/Dn3I7HBuW2

[Alex Hirsch @_AlexHirsch]

In 2017 lets retire "sorry not sorry." Also "oops my hand slipped" "spirit animal" "literally me" and "X is everything." We can do this guys

[Matthew Ward @mattwardpac]

Last movie as I pass away: The Trouble with Harry. Last music: Sisters of Mercy L. Cohen. #bennington

[Neil deGrasse Tyson @neiltyson]

Full Moon this eve, across all Earth's lands. Rising gently in the east, as the curtain of twilight descends.

[Matthew Ward @mattwardpac]

@ThisSideOp

Reluctantly crouched
At the starting line, engines
Humping and thumping

#cakehaiku

[Rick and Morty @RickandMorty]

Hardcover WITH A SOUND CHIP!! 11/23 in comic shops, and in bookstores December 6th! @OniPress

[Matthew Ward @mattwardpac]

@Sethrogen I was seventeen when my niece was born and now she's seventeen. I kinda know how you feel buddy.

[Matthew Ward @mattwardpac]

#INeedToLetGoOf my phone. Put it down. Go to sleep.

[Matthew Ward @mattwardpac]

@ilazer no way. Cartman knows what he's doing...

[Matthew Ward @mattwardpac]

@ThisSideOp
Clarity in prose
A vulnerability
Seeking catharsis

[Matthew Ward @mattwardpac]

Anybody binge watch Homeland then leave the house and think they're being followed? #homeland

[Brie Queso @candidqueso]

This season's gonna be a frustrating dry hump at very best...
*Sigh*

[Seth Rogen @Sethrogen]

Freaks and Geeks premiered 17 years ago today, which was around half my life ago.

[Jim Gaffigan @JimGaffigan]

My whole life is just me suddenly remembering things I was supposed to do two weeks ago.

[This Side Op 📦 @ThisSideOp]

Why do we forget
The world is spectacular
Learn to love anew.

#HaikuChallenge

[BoJack Horseman @BoJackHorseman]

haikus are so lame. seriously what's the point. i just don't get it.