Sam I Am

Partying all night with my friends in the Fortress of Solitude

[1984’s George Whorewell @EwdatsGROSS]

When I think about being hungry and then remember I have to pay rent and my student loan in the same week

[Tim @Playing_Dad]

Lifelock: Are you scared that your personal information is being sold on the dark web?

Me: I wouldn't care if you murdered me where I sit right now

[Sam I Am @mcneil_sam]

@sarahmcneil15 @CameronMHolmes @trendchasernews @Factable Haven’t been in like a year, must’ve been my business keeping them afloat

[PumpkinKel @ppumpkinbitch]

Me leaving my mum in the supermarket to go to the Halloween isle

[Sam I Am @mcneil_sam]

@sarahmcneil15 @GothKitten66 This is probably more accurate haha 🎃

[Bob Vulfov @bobvulfov]

BUILDING INSPECTOR: what's this called
DARTH VADER: the death—
[inspector's eyes look up from his clipboard]
DARTH VADER: uh the health star

[Sam I Am @mcneil_sam]

@CameronMHolmes @CBCNS Damn building got in the way lol 🏗

[1984’s George Whorewell @EwdatsGROSS]

Bitches be like “I wanna see IT” like the boy they’re dating isn’t already a whole ass clown

[karl hess @karlhess]

in my opinion yamaha is probably the best grand piano/motorcycle company out there

[eeyuh @_eeyuh]

Bruh when they showed the picture of his shirt? 💀💀💀 take this kid to JAIL.

[Sam I Am @mcneil_sam]

Someone editing circus music over the clowns in the straight pride parade just made my day 🏳️‍🌈

[rebecca 🧸 @bIindeye]

@S0LARDOG @ksullivannews

[Brian M. M. Doyle @WritePlay]

Follow your dreams 🌟❤️💯💩

[the pan-midwesterner @panmidwest]

how come the oldest person alive always has weird tips for longevity like “i drink 12 cherry cokes a day” or “each week i hire someone to kill the second oldest person alive”