Millennium Dad

Humor for the Middle Age 🏆 Participation Trophy Husband 🏆 Top 5 Ranked Lawn on the Block 🥇 Back-to-back Home Office Employee of the Month

[Millennium Dad @MillenniumDad]

You’ve officially reached adulthood once you have an upstairs ibuprofen and a downstairs ibuprofen

[Millennium Dad @MillenniumDad]

Toy makers it’s time to ship toys with stickers already in place. We’re tired of putting crocked stickers on our kid’s brand new toys.

[Millennium Dad @MillenniumDad]

Christmas Pro Tip: For each doll you get your daughter, be sure to allocated one hour to remove it from the packaging.

[Millennium Dad @MillenniumDad]

@MaybePileJokes @TweetCallsToday 🎄 🥝

https://t.co/9bQ4S2iEXa

[Millennium Dad @MillenniumDad]

I’m surprised that Costco doesn’t have Kirkland Signature COVID vaccines yet.

[Millennium Dad @MillenniumDad]

I wonder how much money the aliens at Area 51 got from the COVID relief bill

[Millennium Dad @MillenniumDad]

@Theropologist @all_tweet_calls 🎄

https://t.co/YPMme7PPAN

[Millennium Dad @MillenniumDad]

Can’t wait for the Drunken Toy Assembly Olympics premiere tonight on ESPN the Ocho

[Millennium Dad @MillenniumDad]

Can’t wait for the Drunken Toy Assembly Olympics premiere tonight on ESPN the Ocho

[Millennium Dad @MillenniumDad]

@kevinthedad That song is on my Top Songs of 2020 Spotify list

[Brent Terhune in Little Rock 7.30-8.1 @BrentTerhune]

This is a Christmas battery

[Millennium Dad @MillenniumDad]

@Under1kContest @TweetCallsToday https://t.co/9bQ4S2iEXa

[Millennium Dad @MillenniumDad]

I’m surprised that Costco doesn’t have Kirkland Signature COVID vaccines yet.

[Millennium Dad @MillenniumDad]

@GotJbenny @TweetCallsToday https://t.co/tZoPdMtILW

[Millennium Dad @MillenniumDad]

It’s flattering that Amazon thinks we are strong enough to tear open their bubble wrap packages.

[Millennium Dad @MillenniumDad]

@goofballbirkla @TweetCallsToday 🎉

https://t.co/yh1CBkXs4N

[Millennium Dad @MillenniumDad]

Jupiter and Saturn finally align and all we get is a $600 stimulus check.

[Millennium Dad @MillenniumDad]

This Christmas I’m really hoping for a new Zoom background.

[Millennium Dad @MillenniumDad]

Jupiter and Saturn finally align and all we get is a $600 stimulus check.

[J.P. McDade @jp_mcdade]

Jan. 1, 2021: We did it, guys! That awful year is behind us!

Aug. 4, 2021: The snake wolves have taken Illinois. Here’s what that means for Ohio volcano refugees.

[Millennium Dad @MillenniumDad]

@RodLacroix @TweetCallsToday 🎄

https://t.co/V9inhKR5Sa

[Millennium Dad @MillenniumDad]

Sorry kids, no Christmas presents this year. Mommy bought too many Lenox ornaments.

[Millennium Dad @MillenniumDad]

@SandwichGhoul @TweetCallsToday 🎉

https://t.co/GN23wjZscG

[Millennium Dad @MillenniumDad]

My wife showed me a new way to strain noodles from a pot, so it’s safe to say I will ONLY be using that method from now on.

[Millennium Dad @MillenniumDad]

@ravenswng_ @TweetCallsToday 🎈

https://t.co/9bQ4S2iEXa

[Millennium Dad @MillenniumDad]

I’m surprised that Costco doesn’t have Kirkland Signature COVID vaccines yet.

[Millennium Dad @MillenniumDad]

My new year’s resolution is to finally start my “Top 10 Sweatpants of 2020: A Systematic Review” blog I’ve been procrastinating.

[Tweet Davidson @SteveRyanComedy]

BREAKING: Congress has announced that the next round of stimulus will be the friendships we made along the way.

[Millennium Dad @MillenniumDad]

My wife showed me a new way to strain noodles from a pot, so it’s safe to say I will ONLY be using that method from now on.