Jack Cranley

There’s a new sheriff in town

[Jack Cranley @mr_crans]

@b_h_88 B pep

[Jack Cranley @mr_crans]

Something about being sunburnt in a beach house kitchen making a sub par cold cut sandwich #bliss

[Jack Cranley @mr_crans]

Not many things better than eucher, 2 patties and a large pint of shack beer at Madison Square park on a UV 7 Saturday

[Jack Cranley @mr_crans]

Spreading the word of Amani Toomer like I’m a Jehovah Witness

[Jack Cranley @mr_crans]

@stoolpresidente Also a rigged fight so ya

[Jack Cranley @mr_crans]

@JetBlue is the worst airline on the planet. They are terribly run and have no empathy for their customer. Never fly JetBlue

[Jack Cranley @mr_crans]

Sometimes, just for a split second, the subway feels like my sandstorm and I it’s Lisan al Gaib

[Jack Cranley @mr_crans]

The dental hygienist is a mean lady

[Jack Cranley @mr_crans]

“I’ll see you tomorrow” is my favorite compliment

[Jack Cranley @mr_crans]

Bring shawty to Del Fino Square and she’s yours fa life

[Jack Cranley @mr_crans]

I drink so much coffee that my body is basically numb and words just flow out of me. It’s a strategy that’s really working for me

[Jack Cranley @mr_crans]

Why don’t bottom layer bed sheets have labels for which way the fit on the bed? Pisses me off

[Jack Cranley @mr_crans]

Subway mango and a bible reading session ain’t a half bad way to end a Tuesday

[Jack Cranley @mr_crans]

Lost a bet today. Why did I think someone wasn’t gonna bring up
Detlef Schrempf today during a meeting? I’m an idiot

[Jack Cranley @mr_crans]

@deepjerseyroots Horrible take

[Jack Cranley @mr_crans]

Absolutely disgusted at the bar right now. Some nobodys just said they’d take a juice world concert over an avicii concert. I’m going to throw up

[Jack Cranley @mr_crans]

I feel like being chased by someone with a lazy eye is similar to being chased by an alligator: just start zigzagging

[Jack Cranley @mr_crans]

A sign of age is the amount of keys you have on your key ring

[Jack Cranley @mr_crans]

@YounghungW That’s assuming that your cause of death is natural. Sleep with one eye open Petroleum

[Jack Cranley @mr_crans]

If you don’t come to my funeral I ain’t comin to urs 💯

[Jack Cranley @mr_crans]

People who use the gym as a place to socialize confuse and frustrate me