.𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ eLiAs ꉂ`𖦹.🔪

he/him ⨾ 26 y.o schizo junkorexic with previously neglected shelter cat personality

[.𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ eLiAs ꉂ`𖦹.🔪 @n1neliveslost]

꒰ #ventwt online diary of sorts ꒱
he/him🕷️2000 🕸️ ⚧︎ ⚣🐈‍⬛ ཐི ꨄ︎ ཋྀ 🎃
dx schizoaffective bipolar type » cptsd » ocd » an-r ⟿ i am medicated
⚠︎ dni if you engage in fatphobia or ableism/sanism ⚠︎

[.𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ eLiAs ꉂ`𖦹.🔪 @n1neliveslost]

@sicklycursed i relate to this a lot. and i am glad you exist

[.𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ eLiAs ꉂ`𖦹.🔪 @n1neliveslost]

@purgethevei1 hugs!! i hope you can rest and be kind to yourself

[.𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ eLiAs ꉂ`𖦹.🔪 @n1neliveslost]

@hxngergains best of luck!!! so many hugs

[.𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ eLiAs ꉂ`𖦹.🔪 @n1neliveslost]

bipolar man discovers that he feels better when he actually takes his bipolar medication

[.𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ eLiAs ꉂ`𖦹.🔪 @n1neliveslost]

@whimsic_love thank you. it is hard. i think i base a lot of my self worth on being productive and accomplishing things so when i’m not doing that i just hate myself

[.𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ eLiAs ꉂ`𖦹.🔪 @n1neliveslost]

had to entirely withdraw from the masters program for the unforeseeable future because i’m too unstable 🤟🏻(´ര ̫ ര`

[.𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ eLiAs ꉂ`𖦹.🔪 @n1neliveslost]

@AngeloFisto thank you. i genuinely appreciate you saying this

[.𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ eLiAs ꉂ`𖦹.🔪 @n1neliveslost]

i am a failure i cannot do anything and no good ever comes from anything i do. i should genuinely just die

[.𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ eLiAs ꉂ`𖦹.🔪 @n1neliveslost]

i had another bad day but i stayed home and slept a lot so did not have as much opportunity to think about everything that is wrong. and for the sake of my pets i did not attempt. i am so exhausted

[.𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ eLiAs ꉂ`𖦹.🔪 @n1neliveslost]

꒰ trigger warning ꒱
i am receiving treatment but i am still unwell and i talk about a lot of distressing things. if you are in recovery you are welcome to interact with me but please be aware that i interact with disordered content. please be safe and block/mute me if needed

[.𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ eLiAs ꉂ`𖦹.🔪 @n1neliveslost]

꒰ #ventwt online diary of sorts ꒱
he/him🕷️2000 🕸️ ⚧︎ ⚣🐈‍⬛ ཐི ꨄ︎ ཋྀ 🎃
dx schizoaffective bipolar type » cptsd » ocd » an-r ⟿ i am medicated
⚠︎ dni if you engage in fatphobia or ableism/sanism ⚠︎

[.𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ eLiAs ꉂ`𖦹.🔪 @n1neliveslost]

i have so many frequent flyer points at the local psychiatric hospitals they said my next trip would be free

[.𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ eLiAs ꉂ`𖦹.🔪 @n1neliveslost]

i’m just stressing everybody out around me and making them upset i literally just need to stay away from everyone for the rest of my life i just need to be alone

[.𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ eLiAs ꉂ`𖦹.🔪 @n1neliveslost]

everything is making me so mad and upset i just cannot calm down i just had to go lock myself in my room so nobody can see me like this i hate myself so much

[.𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ eLiAs ꉂ`𖦹.🔪 @n1neliveslost]

like i am actually not feeling like i am myself i don’t even feel human i feel like some evil parasite that is just here to ruin everything and the only way to save everyone is to just remove myself

[.𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ eLiAs ꉂ`𖦹.🔪 @n1neliveslost]

i sucked so bad at my job today and i think everybody noticed i literally just could not do anything right

[.𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ eLiAs ꉂ`𖦹.🔪 @n1neliveslost]

i feel like i desperately need a personal day tomorrow because of how bad everything just makes me shut down and dissociate or panic so hard i physically get sick but i think if i stay home alone tomorrow i will actually succeed at offing myself so idk.

[.𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ eLiAs ꉂ`𖦹.🔪 @n1neliveslost]

@n0r3x1a aaaaaghhh!!! hello

[.𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ eLiAs ꉂ`𖦹.🔪 @n1neliveslost]

shuffles my foot and kicks a pebble

[.𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ eLiAs ꉂ`𖦹.🔪 @n1neliveslost]

genuinely considering killing myself more and more as each hour passes :) but i don’t want to ask my friends or my family or my therapist or psychiatrist for help because they will just send me somewhere

[.𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ eLiAs ꉂ`𖦹.🔪 @n1neliveslost]

advisor did not give me the option for another medical leave because i’ve already taken two this year . he says he just doesn’t think this is the right time for me to be in grad school and to try again when i am healthy