Nancy Upton

grumpy old woman

[Brendan Darr @BrendanDarr]

I think… I think Zlatan might kill Alexi Lalas? There’s no way they last together on this desk another 37 days

[Tom Kratman @TKratman]

h/t Crossbones688

[Benny Feldman @Feldfrog]

Imagine your bike has been at the Wright Brother’s repair shop for weeks and you see Orville suddenly whiz over your head in a contraption

[Nostalgia @nostalgiaa]

Snoopy's laugh 😭

[Meg @megannn_lynne]

Extra butter on movie theater popcorn is a gamble. But the house always wins. Except for the times when the house loses & lowkey feels sick for a few hours but still never learns her lesson. But that’s the life of a hustler, baby.

[doug 鞠一道 @douglaschu_]

this is bad news for the Arby’s that Jack and Bianca bought on the outskirts of town

[Andrew Nadeau @TheAndrewNadeau]

[immediately after returning home]
odysseus: they all died so you can’t check but everyone agreed we should name the adventure after me

[Nancy Upton @nancyupton]

“I don’t care for Tom hanks” - Quentin Tarantino, interviewed in bed between woody Allen and Roman Polanski

[𝚔𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚛𝚒𝚌𝚔 𝚕𝚘𝚋𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛 @KLobstar]

stupid MRI lady she asked me if I had recent tattoos but didn’t ask if I’ve recently swallowed 500 ball bearings?

Bing bong janice I’m gonna change your life forever

[K @kourtneyinhell]

husband walking around the house singing Radioactive by Imagine Dragons for some reason but he’s saying “ready for action, ready for action” so I yelled IT’S RADIOACTIVE THE SONG IS RADIOACTIVE and he stopped and quietly said “you dont know. You’ve never imagined a single dragon”

[Mark @AgingRanchHand]

Uber sends notifications like "hey want to take an Uber right now?" No thanks, buddy. It's more for when I need to go somewhere

[TripleAAAkers 🔻 @TripleAAAkers7]

One thing I never see mentioned when discussing the sexual themes in Watchmen is that Rorschach’s mask is always displaying a super tall, dominant woman a decade older than me calling me a good boy. I feel like that should be brought up more

[Carter @hisnameiscarter]

Lily Allen returning with the best album of her career, immense critical acclaim and praisings up and down the timeline. I have prayed for times like these.

[VeryBritishProblems @SoVeryBritish]

It’s terrible when the fridge door is so full that you’re forced to lay a bottle of milk down in the main part of the fridge. Doesn’t feel right. Milk is an upright liquid.

[Nancy Upton @nancyupton]

Always dense bell jar

[Sandy Petersen 🪔 @SandyofCthulhu]

Comic artists will never draw a cooler image than Watterson's T-Rex in an F-15 Strike Eagle.