Something happens to people after losing their parent/s. It is so painful to witness and there’s nothing anyone can do but it’s like there’s a light stolen from their lives.
My father @NgugiWaThiongo_ physically abused my late mother – he would beat her up. Some of my earliest memories are me going to visit her at my grandmother’s where she would seek refuge. But with that said it is the silencing of who she was that gets me. Ok- I have said it.
I am greatly moved by your tweet, son (I can call you that; you’re two years younger than my oldest son). This is the bravest thing any son of an icon can do. Ignore those who are denouncing you. What is more important is your truth and your healing. Many of us need such reckoning with the truth of our past. My father never physically beat up my mother - to my knowledge. But his words were abusive to her most times. I never said or did anything about it. I thought it was normal, it was how real men talked to women. It was the same when I saw Nelson Mandela slap his wife Evelyn in the kitchen in the presence of us kids. Here too I thought it was a normal thing that men should do occasionally - discipline “their” women. It was only on looking back as a young adult that I realized that what I saw growing up had left me traumatized. It was only after I had written about these incidents in my memoirs that I felt the relief, and I came face-to-face with my humanity once again. Like you, I was denounced by those who have placed themselves as gatekeepers of what is or is not African. They can all go fry eggs.
And when you pray tonight…pray for the ability to set the bar high. Never compromise when it comes to you, always and I mean ALWAYS go for the highest. When you set the tone and make it clear.. you will never settle for less. Love and respect yourself enough to go for best.
Seven years ago, My good friend, Dr. Tariro Manyanga sent me this. Read it, it will blow your mind.
An army barracks had four soldiers guarding a concrete slab in front of the barracks at all times.
Different commanders came and went but the tradition remained; the soldiers changed shifts guarding the slabs.
After 80 years, a new commander was assigned to the barracks. Amongst the things he did was to ask why things were done the way they were. When he asked why soldiers were guarding the slab, he was told, We've always done it this way. It's our tradition. Our former commanders instructed us to do that.
The commander was bent on finding out the reason for this practice. He went to the Archives to look for answers and came across a document that had the explanation.
The document was very old. It had instructions written by one of the retired commanders who had even passed away. The new commander learnt that over 80 years ago, the barracks wanted to build a platform where events could be performed. When the concrete slab was laid, wild animals walked over it at night before the slab would dry.
The soldiers would fix it the next morning but when evening came the same thing would happen. So the commander ordered that four soldiers should guard the concrete slab for three weeks to allow it to dry.
The following week the commander was transferred to handle another assignment elsewhere, and a new commander was brought in. The new commander found the routine and continued to enforce it without asking any question.
And since then, every other commander that came did the same.
Thus, eighty years later; soldiers continued guarding the concrete slab. An assignment that was ordinarily designed to last just three weeks. . . 80yrs of ignorance with hard labour has passed.
Are you carrying on obsolete beliefs, attitudes and traditions that were relevant to certain people or a certain time?
What is your opinion about yourself, people of a different race, the opposite sex, religion, politics, certain business opportunities, new products etc.?
You might just be guarding a concrete slab. Without deviation from the norm, progress is not possible.
Think about it.
“This boy was carrying his dead brother on his back to bury him In Japan, during the war A soldier noticed him and asked him to throw this dead child so that he would not get tired. The boy replied: He's not heavy, that's my brother!" The soldier understood and broke down in tears. Since then, this image has become a symbol of unity in Japan Let this be our motto too : "He's not heavy. He's my brother... She's my sister!" If he falls, raise him up. If he backslide restore him If he gets tired, help him. If he needs support, stand with him, If he makes a mistake, correct him! And if the world abandons him, then carry him like God has been carrying you, He surely is not heavy. Because he is my brother or she is my sister!". Look out for one another! Blessed Weekend