Nohexmib

stay grinding bitchezz

[relatable @byreIatable]

when you realize you have 6 weeks to get your 63 to a 98

[relatable @byreIatable]

my syllabus says midterms but my body says

[Deante johnson @breezyAOl]

I'm young and I have no kids, there's nothing else to do except get this money and make memories.

[Floyd @dafloydsta]

COP: Know why I pulled you over?

ME: Because I didn't floss?

DENTIST: *rips off cop mask* I gotcha now, you son of a-

[The Bacon-Nate-or @bacon_gillepic]

If I had a dollar for every time I wanted to get out of bed I would be the poorest man ever to walk the earth

[denise @Stellacopter]

#DatingIsHardBecause I'm married.

[Pia Nacar @Kimgee8]

I just burned 100 calories from working out, time to reward myself w/ pizza & ice cream.

[moody monday @mdob11]

Bachelor: Will you accept this rose?
Me: Do you have any food?

[_ZeRoyalGobshite_ @Gobshite_]

Smoked so much meth I raked my entire yard with a fork.

[eEric @ericsshadow]

[ordering a cheeseburger]

WIFE: You need to start taking better care of yourself

ME: [to waiter] make it a cheeseburger with extra lettuce

[denise @Stellacopter]

Any song where they mention a girl with different hair and eye color than me is garbage.

[Nohexmib @nohexmib]

@realDonaldTrump