ally 𝖌𝖆𝖙𝖔𝖗 🐊🧑‍🍳🐕🏳️‍🌈

cry me a table, Linda

[ally 𝖌𝖆𝖙𝖔𝖗 🐊🧑‍🍳🐕🏳️‍🌈 @notacroc]

[alternate universe where jesus christ's name was jeffy spaghetti]

ME: *hears some horrible news* jeffy spaghetti

[brent @murrman5]

[me telling my story how I survived a plane crash and lived on a deserted island for a year] it was crazy
[friend who once got a text from me where I accidentally called the grinch the grink] was the grink there?

[brent @murrman5]

"no rapping tonight"
why?
"you rap about patrick swayze everytime, it's embarrassing"
ok
[after one beer]
uh oh y'all it's gettin kinda hazy

[ally 𝖌𝖆𝖙𝖔𝖗 🐊🧑‍🍳🐕🏳️‍🌈 @notacroc]

Friend: wanna play basketball later?

Me: [has never played basketball before] sure

Friend: i'll bring the ball

Me: [nervous] ok cool

[Later]

Me: [pulls up with a basketball hoop strapped to the roof of my car] sorry I'm late

[ally 𝖌𝖆𝖙𝖔𝖗 🐊🧑‍🍳🐕🏳️‍🌈 @notacroc]

@chasingscratch0 Mike wants to dunk 'AGAIN'? Boys, I can't be the only one who wants to see Mike dunk on a 9ft hoop in flops like he claimed, but also needless to say we need progress updates over the next year

[Mike Migdall @ItsMigdallTime]

Benoit Blanc talking to detective Pikachu in knives out 3: baw gawd you are some kind of yellow rodent ... mHmmm...

[ally 𝖌𝖆𝖙𝖔𝖗 🐊🧑‍🍳🐕🏳️‍🌈 @notacroc]

@EmbraceEvil Her and her ears are the best

[ally 𝖌𝖆𝖙𝖔𝖗 🐊🧑‍🍳🐕🏳️‍🌈 @notacroc]

Big skippy baby

[The Golden Sir @screaminbutcalm]

Me sowing: Haha fuck yeah!!! Yes!!

Me reaping: Well this fucking sucks. What the fuck.

[pat tobin @tastefactory]

YANKEE DOODLE: *sticks feather in his cap* This is called macaroni
YANKEE DOODLE'S FRIEND: Ok, cool. Listen man, everybody's worried about u

[Good Kyle @KyleMcDowell86]

[Me to the second baseman after I slide into 2nd] Make sure u separate plastics & food waste
[Coach from dugout] NOT THAT KIND OF TRASH TALK

[Clint Stevens @clintstevensTV]

Car manufacturers need to work on standardized wifi msging between nearby cars, im thinking something like pictochat on the DS, or maybe mariokart preset messages. Cut someone off, then send them a “im using tilt-controls!” over their radio.

[Andrew Nadeau @TheAndrewNadeau]

[First sunset]
HIM:
HER:
HIM:
HER:
HIM:
HER:
HIM: Is that… you think that’s a problem?

[ally 𝖌𝖆𝖙𝖔𝖗 🐊🧑‍🍳🐕🏳️‍🌈 @notacroc]

It's once again the day of pi

[ally 𝖌𝖆𝖙𝖔𝖗 🐊🧑‍🍳🐕🏳️‍🌈 @notacroc]

Just the sweetest

[ally 𝖌𝖆𝖙𝖔𝖗 🐊🧑‍🍳🐕🏳️‍🌈 @notacroc]

@jakeyner @pants It's a grin and chuckle every time I walk by it

[ally 𝖌𝖆𝖙𝖔𝖗 🐊🧑‍🍳🐕🏳️‍🌈 @notacroc]

My second @pants 🧴🧴