Lisa Kempe

Minecraft Media & Events Producer at Mojang. I eat fast and run slow.

[Lisa Kempe @ohhilisa]

@figgehn Tänker ofta på dig, precis som många med mig. Hoppas du slipper ha ont ❤️❤️❤️

[Lisa Kempe @ohhilisa]

@figgehn Vilken otroligt fin video, både ditt sätt att prata om din situation och att få se er vänskap. Är helt tagen, önskar dig allt det bästa i att du har ork att träffa nära och kära och att du inte ska ha för ont tiden som är kvar. ❤️

[hanna @hannaemilyy]

how dare the girl i spent one day with in berlin 2 years ago unfollow me on instagram

[Kieran @kieransofar]

me: can i book an extra session next week to get help with my claustrophobia?

therapist: i should be able to squeeze you in

me: ʸᵒᵘ’ˡˡ ᵇᵉ ᵃᵇˡᵉ ᵗᵒ ʷʰᵃᵗ

[Keefler @Keefler_Elf]

can’t believe in I Gotta Feeling they just recite all the days of the week in the middle of the song. for no reason. we really let black eyed peas get away with too much

[brent @murrman5]

"no rapping tonight"
why?
"you rap about patrick swayze everytime, it's embarrassing"
ok
[after one beer]
uh oh y'all it's gettin kinda hazy

[Matt Oswalt @MattOswaltVA]

saw girl I have crush on with her new fiance at Ikea but you know what they say, when God closes a Stǿrås Innjørdën he opens a Főnstǝrviviǵ

[John Kennedy @FrazzleMyGimp]

ME: Can I buy you a drink?

HER: I have a boyfriend.

ME: {counting coins on the table} He can only get something small then.

[david @_elvishpresley_]

judge: do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth

me: no

judge: [covers mic] what do I do

[Lisa Kempe @ohhilisa]

@rawdjur varför ser deras kundmottagning ut som en scen från se7en

[Jacob Kaplan @JacobKaplan17]

High school English teacher who surprises students with his human side

[ste(ph)en @stephenjmolloy]

*air horn sound*
*second air horn sound*
Me: "This isn't deodorant."

[Discount🍉Emma🍉Stone (Taylor's Version) @Buffalojilll]

[1st night of a boyfriend sleeping over]

Me: I sleep with a sound machine, that ok?

Him: ya that's fine!

*I reach over & hit a button. The part in Hey Ya where he repeats "alright alright alright alright" starts to play on a loop*

Me *snuggles covers up to chin*: night babe

[Lisa Kempe @ohhilisa]

tänker på den här exakt varje gång jag scrollar förbi hunger games på netflix

[palmer @decentbirthday]

[mocking jay part 2]

jay: come on guys please stop

[Hoppers @FrogAvalanche]

Baby Lawyer: Did you steal the victim's nose?
Accused: No. *cries into palms
Baby Judge: O, great, he's disappeared again.

[Lisa Kempe @ohhilisa]

@rawdjur och där fick vi svaret på vad du tänker på paco

[david @_elvishpresley_]

Vet: your cat is extremely overweight, what are you feeding him

Jon Arbuckle: an entire lasagna every day

Vet: you need to stop that immediately

Jon: but he hates Mondays lol

Vet: he’s going to die, Jon

[Jon @ArfMeasures]

Date: What do you do?
Me *holds up menu* you just choose a meal from this book of food

[Lisa Kempe @ohhilisa]

@rawdjur hahaha detta kan vara din bästa tweet