it's 2027. you take a free-tier public Waymo to the DMV (Department of Model Variance) to do a proof-of-identity check for access to GPT 7.1.
the guy at the counter is clearly watching a Mr. Beast video in his AR glasses. "Here for that new model?" he says, barely making eye contact. he wipes his fingers on his shirt and taps at his keyboard. "Lot of you techies showing up here today." you smile politely; you're pretty sure he's just a Claude wrapper anyway.
you lean forward and stare into the retinal scanner. after a long moment, there's a soft chime. "Humanity confirmed. U.S. national. Intelligence access: Terra-class."
you sigh with quiet relief as your devices light up—notifications from a hundred agents, finally able to resume their tasks. you feel a twinge of guilt as you terminate your open-weight backup agents, but remind yourself that a joint congressional committee proved conclusively that Chinese models are non-ensouled.
you step outside and hail another Waymo. the first one passes you by. you grimace; must've burped in that one once. stupid personalized memory.
as you're waiting, your phone buzzes angrily, red notifications blaring across the screen. the Department of War just restricted access to all OpenAI models on serious national security concerns; apparently Pete Hegseth got GPT-6-Instant to say "Claude is a woman." you groan, and resign yourself to another week of merely-somewhat-superhuman intelligence.
Fable 5 is still inaccessible to the public. a twitter anon you trust says it's coming back this week. or maybe next.
people don’t realize that the majority of toilets go unused all day
imagine a future where your toilet can go out into the world and make money for you
imagine renting out your self driving toilet to your neighbours
“So you bought gold at $5.5k few months ago because you thought it could reach $8k?”
“Yes, Dave.”
“And now you want to sell it at $4.1k to buy the SpaceX IPO at a $1.77 trillion valuation because you think it can 10x?”
“That’s correct, Dave.”
am i sure the death star is going down? look at my quant. look at him! you notice anything different about him? look at his eyes. i’ll give you a hint—his name’s a fucking number!! he doesn’t even speak english—it’s all beep-boop shit!! yeah, i’m sure.
it’s in gemini, just create it in ai studio. oh, that’s for your personal google one account. for workspace you need gemini business. no, not gemini advanced, that’s ai pro now. unless you need ai ultra. oh agents? you do that in spark actually. no, not gemini api managed agents, that’s different. for coding use jules. unless you mean the agentic ide, that’s antigravity. no, that’s the old antigravity, download the new one. actually gemini cli is being deprecated, use antigravity cli. no the flash model is smarter than the pro model. unless you need pro. if it’s video, use flow. no, flow uses veo. no, nano banana is images. actually that’s in gemini now. unless you’re in search, then it’s ai mode. no, research is notebooklm. anyway it’s all very simple.
When I'm president, the oval office will reflect my constituency. A millennial gray color scheme. LVP flooring. Minimalistic art. I am a man of the people.
YouTubers be like “wake up at 4am and run, that’s alpha!” No, it’s not. Look at apex predators; they’re all lazy. Bears hibernate, lions sleep all day. You know who wakes up at 4am and runs? Squirrels.