jbenick

Forever on the side of the downtrodden.

[Tom DeLonge @tomdelonge]

Awesome! Let’s burn seat belts, bathroom cleaner, hand soap, and toilet paper, too! Fuck hygiene and thoughtfulness on health!!!

[Jenny Trout @Jenny_Trout]

what better way to announce to the world that your significant other has cheated on you multiple times than joint social media accounts?

[Emo Philips @EmoPhilips]

in retrospect, it was a mistake not being a billionaire before heading into this pandemic

[Hillary Clinton @HillaryClinton]

On this day in 1979, after an extensive worldwide vaccination campaign, @WHO declared smallpox eradicated.

We can do hard things.

[Sarah Cooper @sarahcpr]

Biden should seek a recount of Alaska just to fuck with Trump's head

[Aaron Rupar @atrupar]

We can’t rule out that Rudy’s fart gave Jenna Ellis Covid

[Sarah Silverman @SarahKSilverman]

I’m so tired all the time. If I’m not working I’m sleeping. When will it be enough sleep? I take herbs and vitamins and all that shit... I always chalk it up to having a very active dream life and needing to be there a lot but what the hell

[Scott Dworkin @funder]

Georgia just certified win for President-elect Biden for third and final time. Not kidding. We won Georgia again!

[Andrew Yang🧢⬆️🇺🇸 @AndrewYang]

You know what really helps businesses? Customers with money.

[Richard Marx @richardmarx]

If your ideology on Covid consists of statements like, “yeah, but the survival rate is..” or “my second cousin got it and is fine,” it means that you don’t give the slightest shit about the thousands of people dying from it every day. It means that you’re a piece of shit.

[Richard Marx @richardmarx]

It’s really very simple at this point. Nearly 3,000 Americans died of Covid yesterday. In one...day. If your position is “I ain’t wearin’ no mask..” it is purely and simply because you’re a fucking piece of shit.

[Scott Dworkin @funder]

BOOM: New video of Giuliani is about to surface of @lawindsor asking him if he asked Trump for a pardon, and if he’s a crook who needs one. 1 hour.

[Ellen Kurz @EllenKurz]

You know what you call a president who attacks our democracy through a bunch of weird pretend hearings at various hotels? A loser.

[jbenick @positivechrg]

I’m a heavy loner. But I’m afraid if I quit, I’ll gain weight.

[UberFacts @UberFacts]

Loneliness has the same impact on mortality as smoking 15 cigarettes a day, making it more dangerous than obesity.

[George Wallace @MrGeorgeWallace]

You never hear about sound machines from other cities. Miami really cornered the market on that shit.

[Ilhan Omar @IlhanMN]

Cancel rent and mortgage payments.

[Dan Rather @DanRather]

Why is the Trump White House suddenly a very polite place to work? Everyone’s going around saying “pardon me.”