protolalia

I can explain.

[Annie Hatfield @AnneHatfieldVO]

Inevitably, you will meet someone who looks like a sturgeon. Now that you know, it won't take you by surprise.

[protolalia @protolalia]

@djnaylor2 Every woman in southern Arizona is really hot today.

[protolalia @protolalia]

@mackenna_grace It's too late now. 😂

[Grace MacKenna @mackenna_grace]

My life is suddenly not my own today. I’m in a weird upside down wonderland and I ate the wrong pill maybe?? Neither was red or blue. lol

Geez Criminy 😬

[protolalia @protolalia]

@mackenna_grace It's official now! 😂

[protolalia @protolalia]

Realtor: What neighborhoods interest you?
Me: No HOA, but I'd like to live next to an elderly woman who yells at me for not cutting my grass, but then I bring her some cobbler and she tells me about her husbands who all died mysteriously and we laugh because they deserved it.

[protolalia @protolalia]

@kickitupanacho I think Twitter blocked Google searches for unregistered users.

[Cat Chi @batsflywest]

I get up 50 times a day to adjust the thermostat by one degree. I haven't figured out the perfect temperature yet.

[Uptown Schmuck @SchmuckOnAHorse]

Have we discussed what a terrible cat owner Jon is for feeding Garfield lasagna?

[protolalia @protolalia]

@mackenna_grace 💍

[Cat From Nowhere @kv8]

Not so much love but I'm up af for falling into some dumb luck.

[ES @ESXIII]

The truth is, I’m not a joiner. If everyone’s headed west, my natural inclination is to head east.

[Toby 🇵🇸 @tobestewart]

Sometimes I type my tweets slowly, with my American audience in mind

[Mythic Picnic @MythicPicnic]

I'm a little too old now to rage against the machine but I still do sometimes rant against it.

[Cyrus O’Merican @CyrusOMerican]

Cause of death: saying “Hi Barbie!” to too many random strangers

[iain @ACartoonCat]

Me: I don't believe in ghosts

Ghost: *tears in eyes* I'm trying my best

[Annie Hatfield @AnneHatfieldVO]

To everyone I ever mocked for accidentally running your earbuds through the washer: I have some news that will please you.

[ES @ESXIII]

Then: I’d close my eyes and see myself in slow-motion, running back a fumble 80 yards for the game winning touchdown, the Colonel Bogey march playing, the crowd going wild, cheerleaders crying, confetti flying…
Now: I close my eyes and imagine a negative calorie pizza.