Juanita Day

Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why it's called the present.

[Michelle Erickson @lbedinadze]

That awesome moment when you're telling a lie and your best friend notices and joins you.

[Ethel Barnes @AbramFedorinin]

THE BEST KINDS OF LAUGHTER: 1. Laughing so hard that your laugh becomes silent. 2. Feeling a 6 pack coming. 3. Tears coming out of ur eyes.

[Juanita Day @pudusears]

My girlfriend told me to see things from a girl's point of view, so I looked out the kitchen window.

[Juanita Day @pudusears]

Twitter has a bird as its logo , that's why when you join you're an egg . & your home button is a birdhouse . Why am I just getting this ?

[Juanita Day @pudusears]

Let your light shine forth before men that they may see your good works & give glory to your Father who is in heaven. - Matthew 5:16

[Juanita Day @pudusears]

Admit it, You only check your voicemail to get rid of that little icon you got tired of seeing.

[Juanita Day @pudusears]

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

[Juanita Day @pudusears]

The best feeling? is waking up in the middle of the night and realizing you still have hours to sleep

[Michelle Erickson @lbedinadze]

ME: How about a quickie? *pulls pants down*

[Juanita Day @pudusears]

Ladies, if a girl ever steals your man, there's no better revenge than letting her keep him. REAL MEN can't be stolen.

[Gina Brown @1fPsverdlikova]

Twitter = A heavily populated city ... Facebook = A vacation spot ... Myspace = A ghost town.

[Amber Frye @F6Kutashovaz]

That awkward moment when you're trying to explain how a song goes but you really don't want to sing it

[Denise Cordes @85Zosima]

I don't have an attitude problem. You have a problem with my attitude, and that's not my problem.

[Kelly Mills @AlmyashevagE1]

Bitch please, your vagina has more users than Facebook.

[Gina Brown @1fPsverdlikova]

As I said before, I never repeat myself.

[Barbara Schmidt @Sochinev74]

Hoes will be hoes, Monday - Saturday & starting again Sunday after church services.

[Juanita Day @pudusears]

The suite life of Zack and Cody: The only show with a smart blonde but a dumb asian.

[Maria Yates @MegaNesvat]

If you have a stupid ass ex, retweet this with your middle finger.

[Alexandria Kelly @dpabaskina]

Once over the hill, you pick up speed.