Diane Morgan

Sometimes all we need is a hug to make us realize that everything will soon be alright.

[Diane Morgan @qagopGet]

Wife: "I'll be back honey!" Husband: "Don't threaten me like that!"

[Ruby Lemon @U5Eduard]

Liking a Facebook status that is clearly about you, because you're a fearless bastard.

[Judith Snow @sass841]

Am I on twitter? Hell yeah! Did I text back? Fuck no! Did I see your subtweet? Surely did. Do I give a fuck? Fuck no!

[Diane Morgan @qagopGet]

When I talk to babies and pets I do it like an idiot.

[Barbara Bruder @92_astankova]

I keep hitting "escape", but I'm still here.

[Diane Morgan @qagopGet]

Breaking News : Ne ws.

[Barbara Hooper @KonichenkoNice]

Politicians and diapers need to be changed regularly, usually for the same reason.

[Diane Morgan @qagopGet]

Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families and careers.

[Diane Morgan @qagopGet]

Fat guy: "I have a 6 pack." Me: "Where?" Guy: "Under my fat. It's shy."

[Crystal English @knyazhukn]

Car sickness is that feeling you get every month when the payment is due.

[Michelle Funes @rudzkiyv]

I prefer not to think before I speak. I like being just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.

[Diane Morgan @qagopGet]

R.I.P LeBron James Ringless Jokes 2003 -2012 :(

[Madeline Salazar @jykparmiq1]

3 reasons why I cuss: 1) Because I fucking want to. 2) Because I fucking can. 3) Because I don't give a fuck.

[Diane Morgan @qagopGet]

A real woman doesn't have to throw dirt on another females name to feel more secure about herself.

[Diane Morgan @qagopGet]

There's "hell" in hello, "good" in goodbye, "lie" in believe, "over" in lover, "end" in friend, "ex" in "next", & "if" in life.

[Lovella Barrera @savelov75]

If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0

[Paula Burns @1993Ereshchenko]

You claim you're a bad bitch but you have no house, no car, no job? You're not a bad bitch. You're doing bad, bitch.

[Diane Morgan @qagopGet]

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..