Barbara Hooper

If you're absent during my struggle, don't expect to be present during my success.

[Sharon Lovely @MrOsmakova]

Cop: You know how fast you were going? Me: I was trying to keep up with traffic. Cop: There`s no traffic. Me: That`s how far behind I am!

[Diana Fontenot @votinov83]

Politicians and diapers need to be changed regularly, usually for the same reason.

[Barbara Hooper @KonichenkoNice]

Something about your face attracts my fist.

[Margie Farrar @MrZyurnyaeva]

My cell phone is my watch, camera, iPod, flashlight, calculator, mailbox, and so much more.

[Kimberly Lassiter @ilner86]

First day of school hoes be like ''OMG , Time for a new start!!'' Bitch please, ain't nobody forget about what you did last year.

[Barbara Hooper @KonichenkoNice]

That awkward moment when you spell a word so wrong even autocorrect can`t figure out what you meant.

[Barbara Hooper @KonichenkoNice]

That awkward moment when you accept a compliment that wasn't meant for you.

[Lea Peck @82Naum]

I don't care if you don't like me, I wasn't put on this Earth to please you.

[Barbara Hooper @KonichenkoNice]

never mistake my silence for weakness. no one plans a murder out loud

[Barbara Hooper @KonichenkoNice]

I don't have a short temper, I just have a quick reaction to bullshit.

[Arlene Andreasen @igromak1]

Kicking ice cubes under the fridge when they hit the floor.

[Lena Savage @Sigalkina76W]

My wife does bird imitations. She always watches me like hawk.

[Denise Tirado @tsafta1]

If you continue to live in the past, your life is history.

[Terri Reichard @bredikhinpolik1]

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.

[Barbara Hooper @KonichenkoNice]

I love it when I randomly find money in my clothes. Its like a gift to me, from me.

[Barbara Hooper @KonichenkoNice]

Facebook is like my fridge... I know there's nothing there, but I check it every 5 minutes anyway.

[Barbara Hooper @KonichenkoNice]

Politicians and diapers need to be changed regularly, usually for the same reason.

[Barbara Hooper @KonichenkoNice]

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it 5 or 6 times, just to be sure.