Kimberly Lassiter

Sometimes you're not given what you want because something better is planned for you instead.#Followback

[Karen Allender @PoteenkoMs]

Meeting another person as drunk as you are, and immediately becoming best friends!

[Kimberly Lassiter @ilner86]

Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

[Kimberly Lassiter @ilner86]

Everybody has a girlfriend or boyfriend, and I'm just over here like "I love food".

[Julie Martin @Bludnishchev93E]

Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast.

[Melissa Robinson @81Fil]

In kindergarden, anyone who had the 64 color pack with the sharpener ran that muthaf*cking classroom!

[Kimberly Lassiter @ilner86]

Haters are like crickets. Crickets make a lot of noise, you hear it but you can't see them. Then right when you walk by them, they're quiet

[Mary Turman @FatinaMega]

I hope there's a day when Cancer is just a Zodiac Sign.

[Kimberly Lassiter @ilner86]

Once you take my kindness for weakness, I will be a permanent asshole to you.

[Kimberly Lassiter @ilner86]

I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't.

[Kimberly Lassiter @ilner86]

My mom + My dad - Condom = Greatest person alive.

[Nanci Hebert @FlorentinSuper]

Understand the difference between what you're getting... and what you deserve.

[Donna Hoots @kmadinya]

Be careful who you trust, some people want to know your business just to tell your business.

[Kimberly Lassiter @ilner86]

First day of school hoes be like ''OMG , Time for a new start!!'' Bitch please, ain't nobody forget about what you did last year.

[Kimberly Lassiter @ilner86]

The best way to make someone remember you? Borrow money from them.

[Kimberly Lassiter @ilner86]

I didn't hit you, I simply high fived your face.

[Kimberly Lassiter @ilner86]

Urban Outfitters: Why does looking poor cost so much?

[Emily Tober @LadyKolyasina]

1-800-CHOKE-A-HOE

[Kimberly Lassiter @ilner86]

Never mistake my silence for weakness. No one plans a murder out loud.

[Mildred Ashworth @5eRushana]

Today I broke my personal record of consecutive days alive!

[Mary Hopkins @BakuninSeveryan]

That awkward moment when you wake up from a power nap and have no idea what day, month, or year it is.