Mary Turman

Hey you. You're beautiful, don't you ever forget that.

[Mary Turman @FatinaMega]

I hope there's a day when Cancer is just a Zodiac Sign.

[Anne Robinson @76Protas]

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

[Edna Diaz @93Khromushkina]

An optimist is someone who falls off the Empire State Building, and after 50 floors says, 'So far so good!'

[Barbara Bruder @92_astankova]

SON: I want a knife & a crossbow for Christmas.

[Dawn Rennie @mikhalychev93]

Our generation will be the weirdest grandparents.

[Mary Turman @FatinaMega]

Never fight battles God has already won for you.

[Denise Cordes @85Zosima]

I hate when I plan a conversation in my head and the other person doesn't follow the script.

[Suzanne Taylor @kifyak2016]

You know someone means a lot to you when their mood affects yours.

[Mary Turman @FatinaMega]

To do is to be [Descartes]. To be is to do [Voltaire]. Do be do be do [Frank Sinatra].

[Jamie Knights @cherkas74]

I might not be everything you ever wanted, but I'm always going to be more than you deserve.

[Margie Steele @82_bruy]

How do you know Asians robbed your house? Your cat's gone and your homework is done.

[Brenda Stephens @81Semendyaeva]

All I heard was "I swear it'll be fun" and then we were in jail.

[Florence Barnett @KiriakLady]

Marriage is like a sweet romance story till you get to the lame M. Night Shyamalan twist where you realize you've been dead for years.

[Mary Turman @FatinaMega]

All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive, fattening or married to someone else.

[Carrie Hurt @AlempiadaMs]

Im as single as a dollar and Im not looking for change.

[Cindy Underwood @ingalov_lukyan]

Do you ever just wanna grab someone by the shoulders, look them deep in the eyes and whisper "no one gives a fuck"

[Mary Turman @FatinaMega]

When I hear myself eating crunchy food, I wonder if people can hear it too.

[Bennie Warkentin @1_meyzhus]

Voldermort: "So all I have to do is lie?" Pinocchio: "Yup."

[Mary Turman @FatinaMega]

Patient: The problem is that obesity runs in our family. Doctor: No, the problem is that no one runs in your family.