Rick Wagner

I was always picked first for kickball in sixth grade. It's gone dramatically downhill since then.

[Rick Wagner @Rick_489]

@PandaPSU haha. Trust me, I know all too well about unhealthy amounts of time spent on twitter.

[Rick Wagner @Rick_489]

@PandaPSU just opened twitter for the first time in days. Thanks for the ff endorsement, sorry I didn't notice it earlier.

[Rick Wagner @Rick_489]

@savoirfail it was a while ago, but very well deserving. I've had many pets, all rescues. They are the best.

[Rick Wagner @Rick_489]

This fourth glass of whiskey tastes like...What was I saying... Who is this?

[Josh Bramlett @SonofConway]

It's difficult to manage 35 Twitter accounts but someone has to favorite my tweets

[ex machina @headedtospace]

People say kids go through "the terrible 2's".. It's more like "the asshole 5's".

[Uncle Duke @UncleDuke1969]

Last night, your @ I did seek
Heartbroken, I just couldn't speak
I cried & I cried
Over your Twittercide
Whatever, you'll be back in a week

[superman @MrSandeepP]

Babies are like drunk midgets but less fun

[steve suckington @SteveSuckington]

My neighbor gave my kid a whistle today.

He is survived by his wife Linda.
In lieu of flowers, donations can be made to my bail money fund.

[veggie femme @veggiefemme]

Trying decide whether Cuba is too far to go for cigars. Not at all, but I'm cheap, so I'll go to 7-11.

[Babies Daddy @dshack8]

Awkward when someone walks up while you're tucking your shirt in & it looks like u were playing w/ yourself & maybe u were but only a little

[Rick Wagner @Rick_489]

*carves dragon out of pepperoni
*eats dragon to save the fair maiden
*endures severe heartburn & meat sweats

no wonder chivalry is dead

[L.Ellison @LindseyEllison2]

Well apparently there is NO morning after pill for overeating

*Throws remaining burritos in trash

*Is eating out of trash 15 minutes later

[Dandy Truman @DandyTruman]

The Tour De France, but on Big Wheels.

[Bread John @Breadery]

On a mentally unstable scale from 1 to 10 if you don't agree that I'm a princess I'll chew your eyelids off.

[Uncle Duke @UncleDuke1969]

He laughed all the way to the bank!

Almost.

Lesson of the day...

Don't tickle the cab driver.

Hope the ambulance gets here soon.

[Amber @AmBearskinrug]

*Hears girl complain about asshole BF at bar

*Takes 4 shots of jack

*Stumbles over

*Whips out knife

*Whispers

We doin this or what?

[Rick Wagner @Rick_489]

@gautamdharan no problem man, good stuff.

[L.Ellison @LindseyEllison2]

Haha remember when someone told me I look stupid with my fanny pack but then I whipped out my knife and it was all screaming and shit.