L.Ellison

Writer.

[Facey McMurder @boychickenlover]

She
Said
That
The world wasn't big enough for...
Both of us.

But...
Neither of us were tall enough to be astronauts

[mustard clown @markydoodoo]

FOR SALE: one Ferris wheel. Fair condition.

[Jedi Cheesy Grits @JediGigi]

[me trying to make a new friend]

I hope our periods sync up

[Queen B 👑 @Briidashian]

*reaches down his shorts but inadvertently sticks my hand in his cargo shorts pocket instead*

[AtticusFinch79 @AtticusFinch79]

Rookie: i really want a shot at this case
Detective: ok pal
R: *shoots body* how'd i do?
D: better than if you would've taken a stab at it

[@[email protected] @GreeGreeHoist]

I couldn't be a dog cuz that nose is like having a too-revealing black light you can't turn off

[Buckaroo @BeefcakeDillon]

Horny 4 hand holding

[L.Ellison @LindseyEllison2]

when I create anything.

[bananafanafofisa @lisaxy424]

"Looks like a gorgeous day!" I say, closing the blinds.

[Barroom Hero 🦬 @UnIxphysco]

Today I was sexually harassed by a pizza and I gave in to it's advances

[Audrey Porne @AudreyPorne]

if he sends you a dick pic, filter it so it's black & white and send it back to him with the saddest song lyrics you know.

[the champion of 2nd place @tw_ttrlesssarah]

I just want to be the Leslie Knope version of me

[Lauren Mullen @DraggingFeeties]

Stop putting cauliflower where there once was something delicious.

[L.Ellison @LindseyEllison2]

*Revolving life around binge watching Chopped Junior*

[Michele Scotti @shishiwakamaku]

Nothing is more dangerous than a moron who's sporadically right.

[Misnomer @DoneEffedUp]

- You're not like other women

Aww. Thank you Doctor

- Oh that wasn't a compliment. We're naming a disease after you.

[Barroom Hero 🦬 @UnIxphysco]

It's hard being angry in a hammock

[Wilde Thingy @wildethingy]

Hyperbole is destroying our civilisation.