Pretzel Boy

You miss 100% of the shots you don’t make

[Thomas White @len0killer]

(When the allegations are correct) Heard y’all been telling the truth on my name

[Milk Ape 🦍 @milk__ape]

one time ape watch giant boulder completely flatten monkey at base of cliff side. No blood no sound instant death

[@ratlimit @ratlimit]

Forbes should do a “1 Under 1” for clutchest baby

[Nail @NailYourShoes]

thank you Mamdani

[tranny montana @h4ng3dbyh4l0s]

getting drafted and mumbling "never puppy stressed when im doing my puppy best" 2 myself as drones whir overhead and my battle buddy is saying some shit about seeing his kid again or whatever (im fragging him later so i can steal his sick ass nike SFB 2s and pretend im 2017 ye)

[Jreg ⏪ @mc_swm]

There’s really no difference between man and machine. I mean what is the brain but an organic neural network? We’re all just 0s and 1s man. OHHHH WAIIIIIT I FORGOT ABOUT THE SPARK OF THE DIVINE OHHHHH I FORGOT ABOUT THE GOD THAT ORDAINED US WITH A SOUL RIIIIIIGHHHHHHHHTTTTT

[@ratlimit @ratlimit]

Why is it called “no-fault divorce”, when there is almost always a child at fault?

[Ron Iver @ronnui_]

Yeah man I'd love to hang out, let me ask the ol' ball and chain (I love my kind and understanding wife, Chain Chomp from Mario 64)

[paddle @ipaddlearound]

dont cry becasue its over, Attack. Attack wverythjng around you. do spin attacks and hurt things

[slinky vagabond 🌲🔩☕️🦉🌻 @83dollaroring]

spectacular that “fiscally conservative” has somehow come to connote “finance bros are free to Molest The Money to their hearts’ content”.

yeah i’m “fiscally conservative”. as in “put these degenerates into electric chairs for their crimes against Money Morality”.

[♡꒰ᵕ༚ᵕ⑅꒱ @wifetummy]

does this to you

[Pintle @pintleinjector]

Von Braun looking up and seeing the tech he pioneered being used to deploy 1 million B2B SAAS satellites instead of reducing London to rubble

[Sharty Supreme (evil) @trashjuiceprism]

Well, clearly the old world is dying, but I'm sure the new one will come along easily and this must be the time of really cool shit.

[slinky vagabond 🌲🔩☕️🦉🌻 @83dollaroring]

guy who's salty about data centers because he was never afforded that amount of compute during grad school

[ຳ ່ @voicingadoubt]

We “finna” live in Section 8 housing

[slinky vagabond 🌲🔩☕️🦉🌻 @83dollaroring]

got stuck on step 3 because i’m a fucking demon. I’m moving like an invasive species this shit ain’t nothing to me man.

[Dr. Bооb @freezingflesh]

if I got in a fatal car accident I’d be like ok