Chase Salter

[fredesque @FredTaming]

[ interview at a 24 hour diner ]

boss: can you cook nights

a dragon: yes

[Julia Rapp 💙 @jujujulife]

guy who joins people on their cigarette break and just starts blowing bubbles

[jame @kloogans]

the duolingo owl should try harder to get me to come back. it should offer me cocaine

[TimTam🍫 @CandymanTimTam]

*spits out mouthful of blood* it's gonna take more than that to kill me

Dentist: for the love of God just floss

[kelsie @iPad_Latino]

Me: brutally murdered and found dumped on the side of the highway
Two 35yr old women with a podcast: ok murder muffins we got a real oopy goopy spoopy story for you today!
Squarespace ad: ARE YOU LOOKING TO EXPAND Y

[Mr. Chau @Srirachachau]

Taking a girl out to see a nice train crash

[200 Million Horsemen Attack People @PseudoSerial]

Me: which of the Mario Bros do you think sucks cock the best

John Cena, contractually obligated to spend time with me due to the Make-A-Wish Foundation terms and conditions: how long did the doctor say you had left

[Scott Sevena @scot7a]

POPE: Let us all bow our heads and pray.

MICHELANGELO, from the back: Or maybe look at the ceiling.

[lexaprofessional @queasy_f_bby]

guy who’s afraid to cheer for his son brandon at soccer practice

[Nathan Marzion @nathanmarzion]

Our guy is right behind KD for the most votes in the East. Get him there.

1 RT = 2 Votes today

#GiannisAntetokounmpo #NBAAllStar

[Chase Salter @SalterChase]

@DylanStreit so true bestie

[Formula 1 @F1]

MAX VERSTAPPEN. WORLD CHAMPION!!!

A stunning season by an extraordinary talent

#HistoryMade #F1 @Max33Verstappen

[Pardon My Take @PardonMyTake]

My friend over there thinks you’re cute

The friend

[Chase Salter @SalterChase]

@domo_city no send me a pic😂

[Bobby BP Portis @BPortistime]

Coming from where I come from, this gives me chills..WOW humble in victory..thank you @Bucks fans 💚🤞🏾

[Will Sennett @Senn_Spud]

Repeatedly shouting “big boobs” at my phone so instagram will hear it and show me ads for big boobs