Abigail M. Cox

Puppy chaser. Tree watcher. Makeup wearer. Tea brewer. Word chooser. Bird caller. Hair cutter. Artist in the streets, pirate ninja in the sheets... wait, wut?

[Abigail M. Cox @silenceiskeylol]

I judge tweeters very harshly by the tweet they choose to pin, tbh.

[Mike Drucker @MikeDrucker]

That feeling when you have to destroy everything out of spite because $44 billion still didn’t make you likable

[Zack Bornstein @ZackBornstein]

Do I agree with Mitch McConnell on everything? No.

But is he a human who deserves our respect as he recovers? Hard no.

[Molly McNearney @mollymcnearney]

Sorry I didn’t respond to your email. I read it at a stoplight taking my kids to school and remembered it 4 months later.

[Rads @_radsy]

i love that all a groundhog has to do is see its shadow to give us six more weeks of seasonal depression

[Mike Anderson @Mikestweeting]

@ronnui_ Every time someone mentions something being at 2:30, my wife and I both reflexively say “a good time to go to the dentist” and neither of us like it or think it’s funny but we also cannot stop help please

[Eden Dranger @Eden_Eats]

friendly reminder to my fellow Jews homemade Chinese food on Christmas DOES NOT COUNT.

it MUST to be at a restaurant or takeout per the Talmud.

[Boyd's Backyard™ @TheBoydP]

All I’m saying is a legend in your own mind is still a legend.

[The Dad @thedad]

Does anyone else’s wife quiz them about the movie they’re watching with them as if you wrote and produced it yourself? I don’t know why he didn’t just call a taxi, Linda, I’ve got the same information you have.

[Van Gothula @surrealvehicle]

People born in 1983 will be 60 next year. Let that sink in.

[The Dad @thedad]

An Olympic sport for parents called "synchronized sighing"

[Eden Dranger @Eden_Eats]

Nothing more humbling than catching a glimpse of yourself at the self checkout camera at Target.

[My Life As Dad @milifeasdad]

My wife inexplicably waited to the last minute to tell me that my kids have dance class today.

So annoying when she does this every week.

[threetimedaddy @threetimedaddy]

I’ve never won the lottery but I once made a dinner that all three kids enjoyed at the same time

[Mumnipotent Ruler @MumOfTw0]

I love when my husband says, “correct me if I’m wrong,” like I would pass up that opportunity.

[Bö Jänke: Hönkÿ @Bob_Janke]

You guys ever hear of Cannon?

[Bö Jänke: Hönkÿ @Bob_Janke]

CAUTION: I'm about to let my favorite TV show become my whole personality

[Mave @MavenofHonor]

[when everyone is watching a show i don’t have access to] i’m just glad you all are happy

[Eden Dranger @Eden_Eats]

this time of year is so weird cuz it's been 10pm since 4pm.

[Elon Musk @elonmusk]

Rolling out soon, Twitter will enable organizations to identify which other Twitter accounts are actually associated with them

[Elon Musk @elonmusk]

Twitter feels increasingly alive