smeemsly

[NYTPitchbot @DougJBalloon]

Food experts say that Taylor Farms iceberg lettuce can give you cyclosporiasis. A guy who snorts cocaine off toilet seats and drives around with dead bear cubs in his car says it can cure COVID. For busy eaters, it can be hard to know who to trust.

[NYTPitchbot @DougJBalloon]

Olive Garden's owners say that you do not have to show ID to get pasta at an Olive Garden. A guy who shits himself in public and struggles to pass basic cognitive tests says that you do. For busy restaurant-goers, it can be hard to know who to trust.

[Caroline @carolinekwan]

I know it’s Jesse Waters and there is no low this human shit stain won’t stoop to but he’s straight up giggling abt the idea of military men committing mass rape after taking T

[FLAVOR FLAV @FlavorFlav]

Bringing the Noise to Vegas TONITE,!!

#PublicEnemy
@MrChuckD

[Tim Miller @Timodc]

From no more forever wars to US military personnel controlling a dangerous waterway in the Persian Gulf indefinitely.

[Rep. Jack Kimble @RepJackKimble]

The Islamic Republic of Japan is now threatening to block The Strait of Hormuz following hostilities with the United States.

[Jeff Timmer @jefftimmer]

If there was a Mt. Rushmore of stupid fucking moron presidents, it would just be Trump’s face four times.

[Gary Peterson 🇺🇸 @GaryPetersonUSA]

With one phone call, President Trump has turned a loss into a win, and we can now celebrate America’s victory over Belgium, with the World Cup trophy on its way to rest comfortably in the Oval Office.

[David Z. Morris @davidzmorris]

Mitch McConnell remaining technically alive for an extra three weeks because of a manipulative procedural maneuver is exactly how he would have wanted to go out.

[Sen. Bernie Sanders @SenSanders]

If a nurse gives a Senator $50 to vote for Medicare for All, it's illegal.

But Larry Ellison, worth $202 billion, spent $45 million to get Trump elected. So Trump is helping his family control:

CBS
CNN
TikTok
HBO
TNT
MTV
BET
And more

That’s a corrupt campaign finance system.

[Lizzie K. Foley @LizzieKFoley]

I'm just going to point out that @CongressmanKean took approximately 644 hours of paid sick leave. He voted against giving his constituents 40.

[dan d @DanJDeBrak]

I'm always for being open about mental health, but important context is that Kean, as a state rep, voted against the New Jersey Paid Sick Leave Act, which established 40 hours of sick leave for employees a year.

Kean just took *4 months* of paid sick leave.

[Seth Abramson @SethAbramson]

People are missing the point.

It is not that the phrase Trump insisted be on new passports confirms that he doesn't know what a passport is.

It's that for a year not one person who works for him was willing to tell him so.

They will remain cowards when he declares martial law.

[David Axelrod @davidaxelrod]

It's actually mind-boggling that @JDVance would say Watergate would be a "10 hour story" today.
Just to review, Nixon's aides authorized a break-in of the DNC HQ to install bugging equipment--in a caper foiled by a night watchman, who called police. They then enlisted the CIA to mislead the FBI that the break-in was related to a probe of malign foreign actors.
The entire operation was paid for by a slush fund controlled by the WH.
The WH also enlisted the IRS to probe hundreds of Nixon's political enemies.
The AG, the WH COS and several other top aides all were convicted and served time for their involvement in the crimes and coverup.
Nixon was caught on his own secret tape system conspiring with them but was pardoned a month after he resigned by his successor, Gerald Ford.
That Vance thinks this would be a "10 hour story" today speaks volumes about the moral and ethical degradation of the Trump era.

[Wu Tang is for the Children @WUTangKids]

That’s weird….thought you can’t damage his powerful pool liner with a knife

[Mark Hammond @MarkHam80780803]

“I have totally defeated you and also transferred $300 billion dollars into your bank account”

[Max (He/They/Them) @maxhadid30]

Kyle: my dog seems to know you
West: I’ve never seen this dog before in my life #SummerHouse

[MeidasTouch @MeidasTouch]

This is damning. This was his main justification for the war.

[Rep. Jack Kimble @RepJackKimble]

I'm really tired of how much credit Chicago gets for dying the Chicago River green for Saint Patrick's Day, when President Trump has done the same thing for America's 250th Anniversary with zero fanfare.

[NYTPitchbot @DougJBalloon]

We wanted to understand the details of Trump's deal with Iran. So we talked to three unvaccinated UFC fans at a Wild Wings in Scranton.