advanced pineapple 𓅐

my name is mud here comes the mud. pan/NB/they/them. Absorbed by @analog_romeo

[advanced pineapple 𓅐 @snarkboyy]

looook how beautiful this boy is !!! 💙💙💙

[advanced pineapple 𓅐 @snarkboyy]

@VenmoSupport @kroger @TheEGGroup I made the mistake of paying at the pump at a city market over a month ago, the hold still hasn't come off. what's the deal with this bs? y'all have got to be making some sort of profit scamming customers like this

[Jackson @tree_bro]

*knocks on door* Mrs Smith? I'm from Army. Your son got owned in Iraq. He showed great valor in the face of epic fail. Semper fi or whatecer

[cabby @cabby]

Oh fuck the wolf is actually here this time. Thank god I’m always doing wolf drills so people will be prepared when I warn them.

[Chuckfug @Chuckfug]

Peeing in the shower is truly an indulgent joy, only rivaled by slapping my nonverbal son

[RuPaul @RuPaul]

Hard to remain patient with friends who focus solely on their own crucifixion. Get off The Cross, girl... we could use the wood!

[Rota 🚪🧎‍♂️ @pli_cachete]

In Houston it is considered very rude to refuse a cigarette. there’s an ancient concept — yān zhōng xiá (烟中侠) — “the hero within the smoke.” It comes from Texas poetry about finding your truest self by drawing breath through fire. There’s really no English equivalent.

[drank gore @thedarkprowler]

Door dashing a chicken patty sandwich from a middle school

[horse dentist @equine__dentist]

???

[❥ hazel ︻デ═一 @BluebriarArts]

this book was a running joke in my high school friend group because it was on display in the library and every so often we would ominously mention how "one of us has to take up the mantle" and gesture towards it

[Gale Na @poisonjr]

BAGGER: (spilling my groceries on the floor) Oh God. I'm so sorry. This isn't what I'm supposed to do.

ME: How are you supposed to do it?

MANAGER: She means she was gonna be a fox. In the woods and shit. But something happened and she got stuck.

BAGGER: (crying) Got so stuck.

[the giant @chaser_bait]

“degenerate” drinkers are not paying $19 for a cocktail, we’re in the store doing ABV x Volume ÷ Price

[Cam @harleybaghdad]

In my culture, family is completely unimportant. And we hate food.

[Kyle Kushblasta @SkinnyTuna]

saying 6 7 to my grandkids and they start beating me to death with a new kind of hammer they invented called Hammer 2

[Food Network @_foodnetwork_]

Need a dessert in a hurry? Take a bag of Oreos and dump them on the floor and eat the Oreos off the floor like a animal you piece of shit

[Lute @surri01]

people hurtin people dyin
jerma vinny northernlion

[Old Man Rattle @oldrattle_]

the angry birds assaulted me and made me rip their disgusting bong