loafea

Bummer City, NY.

[loafea @sofiesuemagoo]

When it's Christmas but ur nana won't let u take off the hat

[Mac @GoodPoliticGuy]

hunger games ass government

[Kate Rozansky @KateHavard]

Just found out husband has been getting toddler to listen to Tom Waits by telling him it's the Cookie Monster

[Shaun Johnson @ShyBucketGetter]

Not my normal ass having a typical day

[Tommy Bayer @tommybayertime]

bro you gotta check out this new show it’s streaming on shbleebo and you log on through your health insurance account

[trash jones @jzux]

ah I’d love to but i’m pretty booked up this winter

[danlet @evildanevil]

In the top 0.05% listeners of women

[Will Sennett @Senn_Spud]

Left my AirPods at home but luckily im getting a Big Fan of Les Miserables vibe from everyone on this bus

[Ben Rosen @ben_rosen]

every race is like The Democrat has a narrow 50.1-49.9 lead over Republican challenger Gunch Hitler who ran on a platform of exploding everyone

[clay ⛷️ @hanfjob]

*honks your boob* peace be with you

[Elizabeth Strater @straterize]

a guy who has only eaten sloppy joes for 8 days and keeps saying “it’s sloptober”

[Brooks Otterlake @i_zzzzzz]

(dabbing my homie’s forehead with a damp towel) Once your fever breaks we’ll get some soup in you. But after that I really need to bounce dude

[tara shoe @tarashoe]

6 months ago the dentist said I had perfect gums. today the dental hygienist said I had “very good gums.” there is a miscommunication going on in this office. there is toxicity, and miscommunication

[Andrew Knox @SoftKnox]

(With no understanding of Europe)
Looks like the pope is single!

[TimTam🍫 @CandymanTimTam]

*spits out mouthful of blood* it's gonna take more than that to kill me

Dentist: for the love of God just floss

[Sam Fishell @SamFishell]

when LMFAO plays at a wedding that means its time for the traditional uncle/nephew dance

[Adam @adamgreattweet]

dog owners: their name is buddy

cat owners: their name is cool ranch dorito

[Meredith @normalbitch96]

No offense but ghislaine maxwell looks québécoise

[cool daisy incorporated @haggardbroad]

Men love to be like “a buddy of mine”