Michaela Kear

Why do we close our eyes when we pray, cry, kiss or dream? Because the most beautiful things in life are not seen but felt by the heart.

[Michaela Kear @soydova]

Friend: "Whats a good movie?" Me: "Snakes on a Plane." Friend: "Whats it about?" Me: "Horses... horses on a boat."

[Michaela Kear @soydova]

"You've changed" ... No actually i think the proper term is "I've stopped trying to please your ass."

[Dorothy Pettigrew @ikyzajche]

Older I get = Less people I trust.

[Michaela Kear @soydova]

When I hear myself eating crunchy food, I wonder if people can hear it too.

[Michaela Kear @soydova]

That awkward moment when you've fallen down on a trampoline and b*tches won't stop jumping so you can't get up.

[Michaela Kear @soydova]

TEACHER: What comes after 69? STUDENT: Mouthwash. TEACHER: Get out.

[Gladys Rey @rushanmatyushe1]

If you hurt my best friend, I will make your death look like an accident.

[Michaela Kear @soydova]

The suite life of Zack and Cody: The only show with a smart blonde but a dumb asian.

[Michaela Kear @soydova]

Me: "Haha I'm older!" Friend: "Haha you'll die first!" Me: "Not if I get my license first and run you over."

[Roxanne Nickerson @AidaBraychenko]

What do they call the cause of death if an axe fell on you? An axe-i-dent!

[Carrie Paez @95Marygina]

Right now you have 3 fingers behind your phone, your pinky tucked under for support, and you're scrolling with your thumb.

[Michaela Kear @soydova]

I am going to buy a dog, name it naked and tell people I have to walk naked down the street.

[Michaela Kear @soydova]

On the highest throne in the world, we still sit only on our own bottom.

[Claudia Taylor @86Bukiya]

Politicians and diapers need to be changed regularly, usually for the same reason.

[Michaela Kear @soydova]

Knock, knock! Who's there? Luke! Luke who? Luke through the keyhole then you'll see who!

[Michaela Kear @soydova]

School is pointless! English: We speak it. History: They're dead, get over it. Math: 1+1=2 Beyonce taught us that. Spanish: We have Dora...

[Michaela Kear @soydova]

Phones get thinner and smarter. People get fatter and stupid.

[Grace Lareau @90Marilov]

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.

[Lynette Scott @80Timshina]

Why test on animals if we have pedophiles in prison

[Michaela Kear @soydova]

You don't know something? Google it. You don't know someone? Facebook it. You don't find something? MOM!