Roxanne Nickerson

Don't make time for people who don't make time for you.

[Bessie Fisher @BegushevProkop]

Alien 1: Did the humans get our message? Alien 2: Yes, But they named it Dubstep and they dance to it.

[Roxanne Nickerson @AidaBraychenko]

My mind was blown when I realized "OK" is a sideways person.

[Rebecca Doyle @verkhoturov91]

Minnie told Mickey that she wants a divorce. Mickey said, "Bitch are you fucking crazy!?" She said "Nah, I'm fucking Goofy"

[Roxanne Nickerson @AidaBraychenko]

That awkward moment when you're trying to ignore a call and accidentally answer it.

[Roxanne Nickerson @AidaBraychenko]

"SO THIS BITCH." - - The start of an amazing story

[Lindsay Atchison @stverdislav]

A clever person solves a problem. A wise person avoids it. A stupid person makes it.

[Leigh Cavender @IrinarkhMr]

sleep is my drug, my bed is my dealer, and my alarm clock is the police

[Roxanne Nickerson @AidaBraychenko]

What do they call the cause of death if an axe fell on you? An axe-i-dent!

[Roxanne Nickerson @AidaBraychenko]

Police Officer: "Freeze!" .. Criminal: "EVERYBODY CLAP YOUR HANDS!"

[Shannon Capps @komochkina74]

To do list: 1. Dig a hole. 2. Name hole love. 3. Watch people fall in love.

[Neva Smiley @88Izot]

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

[Roxanne Nickerson @AidaBraychenko]

I've tried yoga, but I find stress less boring.

[Danielle Pace @Smnishko8]

Ever looked at your bestfriend and thought "why aren't we comedians"?

[Dorothy Scott @MKugnachev]

I got a text! I hope it's from.......... OH MY GOD, LEAVE ME ALONE.

[Kimberli Bilderback @grinyagina82]

8 year old kids today have Facebook, twitter, phones, iPod. When i was there age, I had a coloring book, crayons, chalk, and imagination.

[Angela Singh @KhalideBoss]

The difference between who you are and who you want to be is what you do.

[Donna Barkley @2016Ipat]

Writing a good suicide note is hard, especially if you don't know that person's handwriting.

[Natalie Bilbrey @elependin]

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

[Roxanne Nickerson @AidaBraychenko]

Being Addicted to sex is like being addicted to pizza. When its good its great, but when its bad, its still pretty good.

[Annie Griffiths @kemaneva_mr]

Most accidents are caused by people who drive in 1st gear while their minds are in neutral.