Madeleine ⚡️

𝕞𝕦𝕤𝕖𝕦𝕞 𝕘𝕚𝕣𝕝 🪲 𝕤𝕙𝕖/𝕙𝕖𝕣 ⭐️ 𝕊𝕔𝕠𝕣𝕡𝕚𝕠 ♏️

[Madeleine ⚡️ @spookymadeleine]

Sign me up for the Sarah Palmer School of How To Respond To Men Who Mess With You At Bars.

[bald ann dowd @ali_sivi]

every day i wake up and look in the mirror and say be gentle with yourself today you stupid fucking bitch

[Typhoid Maury @GrahamSig]

This is my favourite Frank line

[T @dfwtee_]

the problem is i really do love staying up until one billion o'clock. it just cant be helped.

[chody @chodypatrick]

oh shit I totally forgot it’s bring your open mouth wet cough to the coffee shop day

[sarah miller @sarahlovescali]

The woman who cuts my hair texted that she is switching salons and I replied wherever thou goeth I shall go, and where thou dwell so shall I and thy people shall be my people and she hearted it

[Keith @nagy_minaj]

She knew about the cyclospora

[chris cross big apple sauce 🍎🗽🍕🥯 @notchrisvolpe]

It’s gonna be 100 degrees tomorrow and I can’t even get a nice cold caesar salad to wash my martini down with because lettuce now gives people explosive diarrhea

[Wrex Weed @wrexweed]

When you're waiting for McConnell and suddenly it's Graham as well

[Cody Dericks @codymonster91]

Waiting for my boyfriend to wake up so I can say “guess who died?”

[xmen 97 szn @frrisbueller]

My Hero

[jawn didion @tinndfishmonger]

Wearing a wrinkled linen shirt and tiny tortoiseshell sunglasses just to go buy band aids at CVS

[Meg @megannn_lynne]

The only way out really is through

[Madeleine ⚡️ @spookymadeleine]

@HEB I’ll have to make my way back sometime and in the meantime, will be planning how to bring back multiple suitcases of HEB goodies

[Madeleine ⚡️ @spookymadeleine]

@HEB please open up a Chicago store I am begging you as a Texas transplant 😩😩😩

[trash jones @jzux]

phones should have a “please disturb” setting that sends an alert to all my friends that I want attention

[Zito @_Zeets]

First time I had a margarita: