Lindsey🇺🇸🤍🇺🇦

Aspiring ditch witch.

[Her Tall Boots @fuzzlime]

i'm tweeting from the international house of hamburger helper

[Buddawiggi @MarkBuckawicki]

Not only do I have a favorite dinosaur, but I like my favorite dinosaur more than you like your favorite dinosaur and I can prove it

[brianna pirre @bsp_13]

i feel an immense amount of fomo about scottish boston summer

[Lindsey🇺🇸🤍🇺🇦 @superlinzard]

@BasedMikeLee You are truly ridiculous

[Not Today Eric @NotTodayEric]

I didn't go for a run today. That's like 30 years in a row now.

[Kendra Middleton @KendraMiddleton]

What if all the World Cup tourists stayed forever and we all live happily ever after

[Skurt Vonnegut @ThisLocalHater]

Hate it when my extended family goes to Golden Corral and I can't because I'm designated survivor AGAIN

[Lloyd Legalist @LloydLegalist]

Back in my day, televisions were whittled straight out of the tree.

[mark normand @marknorm]

This looks like a Disney movie where a 12 year old becomes president

[Annie Hatfield @AnneHatfieldVO]

Once again, "Country Roads" unites mankind.

[Kip Conlon @kipconlon]

Your “joke” disgusts me. My chicken died crossing a road.

[Natalie Would @_NatalieWould]

Is it a good sign when your therapist keeps saying Ka-Ching?

[Kip Conlon @kipconlon]

Karate instructor said he has no more he can teach me (dad’s check bounced).

[Lindsey🇺🇸🤍🇺🇦 @superlinzard]

@dadmann_walking You live on the floor now.

[Doc  @DocAtCDI]

My housemates are convinced our house is haunted. I've lived here for 274 years and not noticed anything strange.

[Sunshine Jarboly @SunshineJarboly]

judge: juror number four, why wouldn’t you be able to serve on this jury?
me: i have ice cream in my car, your majesty.

[Sunshine Jarboly @SunshineJarboly]

*leprechaun dad giving his son a pep talk*
you can be a leprechaun or you can be a leprechaun’t. it’s all up to you.

[Lindsey🇺🇸🤍🇺🇦 @superlinzard]

@UtahCollegeReps @BasedMikeLee Noooooooooooooo!

[Kip Conlon @kipconlon]

As the event coincided with the season finale of “Perfect Strangers,” I chose not to go to prom.

[Lindsey🇺🇸🤍🇺🇦 @superlinzard]

@mckaycoppins @polinate73 Thank you!!! Who cares what other people think?