Taylor

I thought hurricane season was over

[trash jones @jzux]

i’m actually stealing AI’s job (wasting resources and making up stupid shit)

[W.E.B. DaBoi @Tyre_94]

Negotiations must be going horrifically if they’re calling me

[misto @mistowho]

went into dominoes and said "pizza pizza" they shot me in the chest with a rifle

[Douglas A. Boneparth @dougboneparth]

Going off grid for awhile.

(Leaving my phone in the other room while it charges.)

[kelly @BoyYeetsWorld]

I would’ve given airbud CTE before I let him score on me

[jesse @darthgordita]

everything was a fuckin game to this guy

[7/11 Truther @DaveMcNamee3000]

Bravo seems to be like WWE for girls who work email jobs

[Rock @TheCensoredRock]

Me getting kicked out of Applebee’s after 12 Dollaritas and putting $20 worth of Limp Bizkit on the TouchTunes

[₣ØⱤ₮Ɏ✭ @Forty1_0]

TSA is going to kill you on sight

[Tyler @BalloonFlavour]

Bombing Iran to distract from the Donna Kelce home renovation

[Larry Legend @larryislegend]

Aight he might be back

[Mike @hammerito]

ok I was hoping to swing by the farmer's market on the first Saturday of spring but this is fine too

[The Lobster @LikeableLobster]

There may have been a few miscalculations on The Lobster’s part.

[Tee🦋 @teeelatricee]

They need to add this Mohawk to the charges.

[Trippie Redd @trippieredd]

To every bitch I ever did wrong, I'll do it again

[Cxspxxr✘🧸 @_6signxxx]

if anyone ever startles Emma again i’ll freak the fuck out and set everything on fire

[Gale Na @poisonjr]

i had a nightmare i got street casted for Love on the Spectrum

[trash jones @jzux]

can’t believe we used to throw eggs at houses and now we can afford neither eggs nor houses