TFL

Bringing updates and joy to commuters...as long as we can be bothered (Parody)

[TFL @teaeffell]

Sorry for the delayed absence. To be honest during Covid we forgot all about it. Big Dave retired, we forgot to hire a replacement/we couldn’t be arsed. Sorry, will try resume normal service.

[TFL @teaeffell]

@SoundThom All we’ll say Thom, is that it was one hell of a Christmas Party. Things got out of hand, stuff was said and Dave from Depot 2 reminded us why him and Drambuie don’t mix.

[TFL @teaeffell]

When there are severe delays on every line but you write a fancy message on the Station Whiteboard…

[TFL @teaeffell]

This comment is incorrect. The words ‘back to’ suggests our District Line service had improved at some point

[Jayko @Jayko_555]

Knew it was too good to be true. District line back to its usual SH!TE. No district line Twitter account anymore either 🤔 SH!T CNUTS

[TFL @teaeffell]

We do apologise Liane-Marie. Some of the key components that hold the signalling together at Aldgate have failed us.

Empty Fag Packets & Chewing Gum are just not the same these days.

[Liane-Marie Spinks @lianemarieee]

Today’s travel, brought to you by... well... no one actually. @teaeffell

[TFL @teaeffell]

We do a better one when there’s a delay. We call them ‘signal failures’. They have nothing to do with Wagon Wheels in the Staff canteen

[Liane-Marie Spinks @lianemarieee]

Hi @districtline, you know what I hate the most? You wait for a train, see it on the board, it’s late, it disappears from the board and there’s no announcement. So you cancel a train and say nothing and pretend there is a good service.

[TFL @teaeffell]

A stands for ‘alright’ and B stands for ‘Bastards’ - so be careful what carriage you pick

[Jaye @VH_Boxman]

@geofftech @TfL any idea what these markers mean - seen A and B ones, all along the Bakerloo

[TFL @teaeffell]

Roses are Red
Our motto is simple
When you can’t be arsed
Blame a failure of signal

[TFL @teaeffell]

First glimpses of our brand new Central Line Trains

[Harrison Sell @harrison_sell]

@TfL tube photo shoot

[TFL @teaeffell]

@hughesiee

[TFL @teaeffell]

I’m pretty sure this was the opening line to a Paul McCartney song...

[TFL @teaeffell]

Thank you for your feedback Diana. We’ve heard Dave on the 32 is pretty hilarious too.

[Diana Teixeira @DianaTeixeiraG]

On board again at bus 26 to Hackney Wyck with the amazing bus driver Patrick! Thanks for make our day! @TfL

[TFL @teaeffell]

It’s part of our new environmentally friendly website - people who can’t pay the charge, won’t use their cars (and if they do we fine them)

#everyonesawinnerbaby

[TFL @teaeffell]

We can confirm that we do not lie. For example the defective train was definitely not connected to someone bringing in a bag of Jam Doughnuts

[John Pearce #FBPE @johnpearce00]

@victorialine Held on platform at Vauxhall for five minutes already with no tubes. Detective train is the reason and will be empty when it passes through. Next ones likely to be full! Yet still this is a good service! #TFLLies Why do TFL feels the need to lie to customers?

[TFL @teaeffell]

Send a self addressed envelope to us at PO Box 45 quoting ‘the machine wasn’t really broken, you needed heated Driver’s Seats’

[TFL @teaeffell]

Where’s the Fish shouting at people to move down inside the carriage or the twat with an oversized Backpack?

[SDM @i_am_steve_64]

@tfl decided to draw my journey this morning #miseryline #northernline #tfl #sardines

[TFL @teaeffell]

Brilliant

[TFL @teaeffell]

We prefer a Bus 267 Pizza personally

[Brian @Bldmello1Brian]

Bus 243 Pizza anyone? #dirtybuses #tfl

[TFL @teaeffell]

Big rumours that Cliff is in town - always draws an unruly crowd that brings the capital to it’s knees!

[TFL @teaeffell]

We call that ‘Delay Excuse Roulette’. You have to be creative when you need a Cup of Tea or Extended Poo Break